


Love, Richie

by strangestolive



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Drinking, Fluff, Love Simon AU, M/M, Slow burn?????, based on the movie and the book, eddie as blue, regular teenage stuff, richie as simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-07 07:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14076123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangestolive/pseuds/strangestolive
Summary: When Richie starts anonymously emailing another closeted gay kid at his high school, he accidentally falls in love with him only for everything to fall apart. Based on the movie Love, Simon with big influences from the book too.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> basically thank you to Sara (@richietoaster on tumblr) for giving me the idea to write this monster of a one shot. Shoutout to my pals who have been screaming at me about their excitement for this fic, without them it definitely would not have gotten finished.  
> Also I give credit to the 2.5 boxes of Oreos I ate while writing this, without the unnecessary sugar I would not have had the energy to write this on top of all of my university work!!
> 
> Please come visit me on tumblr @totaltozier. I don't feel like a human after writing this

For the most part, Richie Tozier was just like every other teenager. He had amazing friends that he loved, parents who loved him more, and a dog named ‘Duck’ that couldn’t get enough of him. He did all the normal teenager things like going to high school, driving the old truck he got for his sixteenth birthday, joining the school musical, and drinking way too much iced coffee. Essentially, Richie was just like everyone else. A lot of his life was great except for the fact that he had one very big secret.

Richie was gay.

It was something that he hadn’t said out loud. The few words had only been mentioned inside of his mind a small handful of times. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was, he wasn’t scared of being gay. He knew that his parents would be okay with it. His mother Maggie was as liberal as it gets, and his father Wentworth was an understanding guy. His little sister Sarah was always supportive of him, just like Richie was supportive of her. Richie knew that his friends would be okay with his sexuality as well. The only thing stopping him from telling anyone was the fear that everything in his life would change. But he liked how his life was going, Richie liked who he was. If holding on to his secret until he left for college was the way to keep everything the same, then maybe he could hold to it for just a little while longer.

Richie was laying on his bed as he stared up at his white ceiling. He could hear his record player going across the room playing one of his dad’s old vinyl records from the eighties. Richie was humming along to the tune when his phone started to vibrate next to him. He lifted it up slightly to see Beverly calling him on facetime. Rolling over in his bed, he clicked the little green circle to accept the call.

“What can I do for ya, Bev?” He greeted her as her face took up the screen.

“Have you seen the Derry secrets blog?” Beverly asked him.

“You’re too obsessed with the internet.” He answered. The Derry secrets blog was a student-run forum blog for their school, Derry High. Most of the posts were about simple things such as their school dances, festivals, and the odd gossip before it could be taken down. Beverly spent almost every night checking up on the blog, always staying on top of the school’s drama.

“There’s a post about a closeted gay kid,” Beverly told him. “It doesn’t say his name though.”

Richie jumped off of his bed and across the room to his desk. He flung himself down into the chair and opened up his laptop, going to the blog website as fast as he could. The post Beverly was talking about was at the top.

“Richie, are you reading it?” Beverly asked him.

 “Yeah yeah, I gotta go Bev, I’ll call you back.” He quickly hung up the phone, giving his full attention to the screen in front of him. There was a picture of a Ferris wheel in front of a sunset with a few sentences written underneath. He scanned each word quickly and then once again as slow as he could to take it all in. Richie couldn’t believe what he was reading.

Without hesitation, Richie hovered his mouse over the reply button at the top of the post causing an email to appear. _Bluegreen118@gmail.com._ Richie opened up google mail, selecting the option to create a new email. He wanted to talk to this anonymous poster so badly. They also had a secret, the same secret that Richie holds onto so tightly in his mind. He clicked on the box that asked him to enter an email address. Richie glanced around his room trying to see if anything would give him inspiration for his anonymous email. His gaze stopped at his record player and he listened as it was still spinning beside him. The song faded out and _Come on Eileen_ by Dexys Midnight Runners started to play. As the lyrics washed over him, Richie typed into the space _oldjohnnyray@gmail.com._ The page accepted the email and Richie was let into the new account.

He easily clicked on the button to create a new email and entered the poster’s address. Richie typed _Just Like You_ into the subject bar before moving on to the main section to create his response.

 

Eddie sat at the desk in his bedroom feeling a sudden rush of courage. He stared at the Derry Secrets blog, his cursor hovering on top of the new post button. Eddie wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing this, he didn’t have to and there was no one pressuring him to do it. No one even knew what he was about to write, no one except for himself.

Eddie had always felt different. He never really related to his friends when they started talking about girls; which ones were hot, which ones were not, and all the ones they wanted to kiss. He would always brush it off with the casual _same_ or _me too_ but for some reason Eddie never really meant it. That was until he realized that he didn’t like girls at all and that he maybe never did to begin with. He could remember sitting in homeroom class and hearing the girls sitting behind him gossiping about Game of Thrones and how John Snow made their mouths water and Eddie found himself mentally agreeing with them. That was when everything changed.

So Eddie was gay, and no one knew except for himself. Which was probably why he was making this post on his high school’s gossip blog. The post was anonymous, but Eddie saw it as an outlet for his thoughts. He knew that the other students would be reading it, probably even discussing it at their lunch tables but no one had to know it was him and that made the idea a whole heck of a lot less scary for him.

           

            Posted by: bluegreen118@gmail.com.

            _Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel, one minute I’m on top of the world then the next I’m at rock bottom. Over and over, all day long because a lot of my life is great but nobody knows I’m gay. -Blue._

 

Eddie looked over the post, reading the four sentences and making sure it was perfect. He felt like it was missing something. Eddie quickly googled for a picture of a Ferris wheel before choosing one with a soft sunset in the background. He copied and pasted the image onto his post and then clicked the submit button.

Eddie exhaled a deep breath, one he didn’t know he was holding. Looking at his clock he decided that it was late enough for him to call it a night and go to bed. Eddie shut down his computer and climbed into bed.

When Eddie woke up the next morning to an email from an anonymous sender, he was a little shocked. To be honest, he didn’t expect any sort of response at all. The email was simple, a total of twelve words over three lines.

           

            _From:_[ _oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_](mailto:oldjohnnyray@gmail.com).

            _To:_[ _bluegreen118@gmail.com_](mailto:bluegreen118@gmail.com)

_Subject: Hey_

_Dear Blue,_

_I’m just like you. I have a secret too._

_-Jacques._

Eddie stared at the email unsure of how to even respond before putting away his phone and getting ready for the day.

 

Richie woke up with a feeling of adrenaline. He still couldn’t believe that he responded to the post on Derry Secrets, but he quickly reached for his phone and checked his email. The app displayed that there was no new mail and Richie sighed. He put his phone down so he could get ready for the day.

Being the teenager that he is, Richie insists on driving all of his friends to school instead of giving his sister a ride. His reasoning is that Sarah is a freshman and taking the bus builds character, but really if she came along then he and his friends wouldn’t get to talk about the _sophisticated_ things they do.

Richie quickly grabbed a bagel with cream cheese from the kitchen and said goodbye to his parents before hopping into his truck and driving away. He made his way over to Beverly’s house first and pulled into her driveway. She quickly ran outside of her house to slide into the passenger seat of the truck. As she buckled herself in, Richie turned around to reverse the vehicle into the driveway directly across from Bev’s. Stan was waiting at the top of the driveway to hop into the back seat. Richie particularly liked that part of the morning. He thought it was funny how he reversed from Beverly’s driveway and into Stan’s since they lived across the street from each other. It was a simple thought that always made him smile.

Richie pulled out onto the road as Stan buckled himself in.

“I had a dream last night,” Stan announced to his friends. “This one must have a deeper meaning.”

“No dream analysis before there is coffee in my system, Staniel.” Richie interrupted his friend. As Stan scoffed at the nickname, Richie turned down a side street that would lead them to their favorite coffee shop. He pulled the truck into the drive-thru lane and requested their usual order.

“Hello, can I get four iced coffees please?” Richie asked.

“Wait, Mike likes his with milk in it.” Stan chimed in from the back seat.

“One of those with milk please,” Richie added. The lady on the other side of the window nodded and moved to get their order for them.

“Are you Mike’s personal barista now, Stan?” Beverly asked him with a coy smile.

Stan blushed slightly. “No, I’m just a good friend who knows his friend’s coffee orders.”

The lady handed over a tray of four iced coffees, one with milk, and Richie gave her the money before they pulled off towards Mike’s house.

Mike had only moved to Derry at the end of summer. He lived farther towards the edge of town but still relatively close to the rest of their friends. He lived with his grandparents in a smaller sized apartment. Richie had sat next to him in their English class on the first day and they instantly became friends.

Richie gave the horn a quick honk as he saw Mike step out from the main doors of the apartment building. Mike rolled his eyes but gave him a small wave before opening the back door and sliding in.

“One iced coffee with milk,” Richie announced as he passed back the final drink that was left on the tray. “Hi ho, to school we go!” He sang in a higher voice as he carefully pulled away from the curb and drove them all to school.

           

The group of four made their way into the school’s main entrance climbing the large staircase that lead to the upper floor where all the lockers were located. The vice principal Mr. Wilson was standing his guard at the top of the stairs like always.

“Good morning Derry High!” He called out. “It’s a bright and sunny day, perfect for learning!” Mr. Wilson was a very energetic person who loved to have a good relationship with all of his students. Derry High wasn’t a very big school which made it easy for the vice principal to know all of his student's faces and names. It also meant that everyone knew everyone.

Richie and his friends reached the top of the stairs and said their goodbyes making promises of seeing each other at lunch before separating to go to their lockers. Richie and Mike’s lockers were only a few apart. The two friends approached their bank of lockers and stopped in front of their own, twisting the locks to let them in.

“Can you believe Ms. Albright wants us to be off book by the end of this week?” Mike asked Richie as he loaded up his bag with the books he needed.

“I know, it’s crazy.” Richie agreed. “Everything is happening so fast with the musical.” Richie and Mike were both in the school’s musical together. This year they were putting on a production of _Footloose_. Mike was one of the leads while Richie held a smaller part.

“I think I’ve really nailed the second number though, my feet don’t get as confused anymore,” Mike explained before he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“That second number is looking great!” Both of the boys turned their heads to see Greta standing just behind Mike a couple lockers down.

Mike gave her a confused look. “Uh, thanks.” He said before turning back to Richie.

Greta only stepped closer. “I could help you with your choreography, Mike.” She suggested with an awkward smile.

Mike turned back to face her. “Thanks, but I think I’ve got it now.”

“Oh, okay well we could always-”

“I have to get to homeroom. Bye Greta.” Mike cut her off before closing his locker and walking away from her without trying to run.

Richie grabbed one last book from his locker before closing its door and walking away before Greta could say another word. As he walked towards homeroom, Richie glanced around for any sight of teachers before pulling out his phone. The screen lit up showing him that he had a text from his mom reminding him what time to be home at for dinner as well as a few notifications from snapchat but nothing from his email. Richie sighed before sliding his phone back into his pocket and entering his classroom.

It was during the second period when Richie felt his phone vibrate. Not wanting to get his phone taken away, he discreetly slid it out under his desk giving it a quick glance. As soon as he saw the email icon he raised his hand.

“If the letter x is equal to thirteen then y must be equal to what?” Mr. Matthews his math teacher asked the class. “Yes, Richie?”

Richie had no idea what the answer was. He had zoned out ten minutes ago. “Can I go to the bathroom?” He asked.

Mr. Matthews sighed. “Yes, go ahead.”

Richie stood from his desk and bolted out of the classroom swiftly. He made his way as fast as could without actually running through the halls, Richie hauled his way towards the nearest washroom. He checked the other stalls to make sure no one was inside before getting into one himself and locking the door. He pulled out his phone and opened the email.

           

            _From: greenblue118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnray@gmail.com_

_Re: Hey_

_A secret, huh? Is it the same as my secret? If it is, when did you know? And have you told anyone?_

_Blue._

Richie smiled as he read the email. It wasn’t long but it was a response meaning that they definitely wanted to talk to him too. He eagerly hit the reply button.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: greenblue118@gmail.com_

_Subject: When You Knew_

_It is the same secret. I don’t even know when I figured it out. It was a bunch of little things. Like this weird dream, I had once about Daniel Radcliffe. I then had the same dream every night for a month. After that, I finally took down the Harry Potter poster that hung up across from my bed. Or how when my friend started listening to Panic! At the disco in seventh grade. She kept going on about how gorgeous Brendon Urie was. At some point, I realized I wasn’t only listening because I liked the music._

_And then in eighth grade, I had this girlfriend. One of those girlfriends where you don’t really do anything outside of school with each other. Either way, we went to the school dance together. As we slow danced she told me that she was falling in love with me. I left immediately and hid in the bathrooms. I even texted my mom telling her that people were drinking alcohol so she had to pick me up right away. That was my proudest moment. The other girlfriends were a similar story._

_But no, I haven’t told anyone. Only you._

_When did you realize?_

_Jacques._

After pressing send, Richie realized that he had probably been gone far longer than a bathroom break should be, and he quickly made his way back through the halls to his classroom. He sat back down in his seat with a smile on his face. Luckily for Richie, by the time he returned to class, there were only fifteen minutes remaining until it was his lunch period. Other than play practice, lunch was Richie’s favorite time of day because he got to see all of his friends for an hour. Who wouldn’t love that?

The bell rang dismissing the class and Richie made his way towards the school cafeteria. Beverly was always the first one of their group to get them a table since her class was in the closest one to that section of the school. As Richie approached the table, Stan and Mike sat down in their usual seats. Richie greeted them all as he sat down.

“Bill texted me saying that they’re going to sit with us today,” Stan told the others as he pulled his lunch from his bag. Stan had a very particular taste when it came to food, so he always packed his own lunch. The other three of them typically bought their lunches out of pure teenage laziness.

“Sounds great,” Mike smiled as he sipped on his drink.

A few moments later, Bill along with Eddie and Ben came and sat down at the end of their table.

“Big Bill!” Richie saluted. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going good, Richie,” Bill answered. “How is everyone?” He replied back, and everyone gave their rounds of _good, fine, great_ as usual.

Bill was a good friend of Stan and Eddie and Ben came along with him, sort of like a package deal. Richie knew Eddie from his final period class where he sat a few rows in front of him. While Ben and Beverly had the same creative writing class together. In an easy way, the seven of them made a good group. Seven was the magic number, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. At least when it came to sitting together at lunch most of the time.

The group of them made idle chit chat as they all ate their food. Richie had his phone in his hands as he anxiously awaited the next response from Blue. He scrolled through Twitter, so his friends wouldn’t think he was weird for staring at his email. Richie was pulled out of his trance when he saw a stray hand reach for his fries.

“Huh?” He asked suddenly.

He looked down to see that the hand was in fact connected to Eddie’s body. “I’m just stealing a fry if that’s okay.” He smiled.

Richie nodded his head and matched Eddie’s smile. “Yeah, of course.” He watched as Eddie popped the fry into his mouth.

As quickly as it started, the lunch period was over and the next bell was ringing telling them all to get to class. The group said their goodbyes before splitting off once again towards their respective classes. Richie had grade twelve chemistry next in the labs that were on the other side of the school. Despite his long legs, even Richie found himself walking into class after the second bell, earning himself a late mark. As he strutted his way through the hall, Richie pulled out his phone to check the time. He could barely glance at the clock before his phone was suddenly taken out of his hand.

“Mr. Tozier!” Richie stopped in his tracks to see who was calling him out. Mr. Wilson. Richie let out a sigh. “You are aware of the ‘No Phones’ policy!”

“I was only checking the time, Sir.” Richie tried to argue.

Mr. Wilson shook his head. “There are clocks all over the school, Richie.” He pointed a finger towards the clock that hung on the way only a few feet away from them. “You can pick this up from my office after play rehearsal this afternoon, Mr. Showstopper!” Before Richie could say anything more the vice principal had turned around and was walking away.

Richie rolled his eyes and quickly jogged his way to his class. He was late and Mrs. Shirley didn’t care for his excuse.

Richie sat at his desk, doodling random shapes in his notebook as he barely paid any attention to a word his teacher was saying. There were only two periods left in the school day and then play practice afterward which lasted an hour. If his math was correct, there were roughly three and a half hours until he could get his phone back. Only three and half hours until he could email Blue again. Sure, they had only spoken twice now but Richie was still giddy with the excitement of possibly another message from him.

Eddie stared at his phone on the bus ride home. Jacques’ email was open on his screen and frankly, Eddie was shocked. He didn’t think that Jacques was going to give him such a detailed response but at the same time, Eddie was glad that he did. Eddie could feel himself connecting with the other boy’s words. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest. He tapped the reply button.

           

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: When You Knew_

_For what it’s worth, I think it would be incredibly depressing if your actual proudest moment happened in middle school._ _Remember the way people would look at you blankly and say, “Um, okaaay,” after you finished talking? Everyone just had to make it so clear that, whatever you were thinking or feeling, you were totally alone. It makes me feel kind of sick just thinking about it (the phrase and middle school)._

_What I’m trying to say is, don’t beat yourself up about middle school. We were all awful then. Really._

_I’ll give it to you that Daniel Radcliffe does have a certain look about him. Something sort of brooding and mystical. Brendon Urie on the other hand, he wears a little too much eyeliner for my type._

_I think I knew when I found myself watching Game of Thrones and I was gawking at John Snow while all of the other guys were drooling over_ _Daenerys. I think that was a turning point for me. Or maybe it was all of those heartthrobs on my mom’s soap opera shows she forced me to watch after school with her when I was young. I guess we'll never truly know._

_Now I guess this is the obvious question but I’m going to bring it up anyway: if you knew you were gay, how did you end up having girlfriends?_

_Blue._

The second play rehearsal ended, Richie was flying down the halls towards the main office to retrieve his phone from Mr. Wilson. Richie nodded his head and gave the usual _mhmm_ and _of course_ as he gave him the same ‘no cellphones’ lecture he gave all the students. Once the phone was back in his hands, Richie was running out to his truck in the parking lot and unlocking his phone.

Seeing that Blue had replied to him, Richie read the email with a smile. He decided to respond to the email at home so Richie turned on the radio as he pulled out of the school’s lot and drove out of the lot. He didn’t stop smiling the whole way.

Richie went straight to his bedroom the second he got inside his house. He knew that there was about an hour before his family would be having dinner. He was going to use the time to his advantage. Richie sat down at his desk and opened his laptop to reply to Blue’s last email. He clicked the reply button.

           

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Re: When You Knew_

_So, what I’m reading is that I should be on the lookout for someone dressed up John Snow on Halloween? Or would that be too obvious? Maybe you’ll be dressed as a dragon. Both options are great in my opinion._

_The dreaded “okaaaayyyyy” always paired with arched eyebrows and a mouth twisted into a condescending butthole. We all truly sucked in middle school. Thank god it’s over._

_I guess the girlfriend thing is a little hard to understand. It all just sort of happened. First off, I didn’t really have the heart to say no to them. Secondly, I thought having a girlfriend would give me extra cool points. That didn’t happen. Shocker! The relationships didn’t last very long and the breakups were mostly painless._

_I think the real reason I had girlfriends was because I didn’t one hundred percent believe I was gay. Or maybe I didn’t think it would last forever._

_I know what you’re probably thinking: “Okaaaaaayyyyyyy…”_

_Jacques._

Richie stayed on his laptop, switching between his different social media as he waited for a response. Blue’s next email came only fifteen minutes later.

 

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Subject: The Obligatory_

_John Snow would be a good guess. Although I don’t think I’m dressing up this year. I've been chosen for candy duty since my mom has a work party. Who knew adults still had funn!?_

_Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy._

_(Eyebrows, butthole mouth, etc.)_

_Blue._

Richie laughed at Blue’s sign off. Blue was obviously full of a clever wit that was similar to the one of Richie. He had always liked making his friends smile but he liked when others could make him laugh too. Wanting to stay on a high note, Richie closed his laptop, deciding that he would reply to Blue later, and made his way downstairs for dinner with the rest of his family.

Richie waltzed his way into the kitchen and hopped up onto the counter across from the island where Sarah was busy whipping something up. Two years ago when she was in seventh grade, Sarah had binge-watched Master Chef Junior and had been obsessed with cooking ever since. She says that she’ll be a famous chef one day and Richie believed her. That was the thing about Sarah, when she set her mind on something, she made it happen. Richie envied that about her.

“What’s for dinner?” Richie asked as he swung his legs in front of him.

“Your sister is making some fancy Italian dish with homemade garlic bread tonight.” His mom said from across the room where she sat at the dinner table.

“It’s just bread with garlic butter on it,” Sarah added. “I wouldn’t really say it’s homemade, really.” She always was modest.

“Either way I’m sure it’s great.” Richie chimed in. “How much longer?” He asked.

“Like, six more minutes.” She answered as she glanced at the timer on the oven.

“Plenty of time for you to set the table, Richie.” His dad prompted as he walked into the kitchen from the living room.

“Dad, it’s bachelorette night,” Sarah reminded him as she turned to stir some sauce on the stove top. “Which means we eat in front of the TV like animals.”

Wentworth laughed. “Yes, of course. Richie, go set the coffee table.” He rephrased.

Richie laughed as he got up to grab some cutlery from the drawer. “Sure thing, daddy-o.”

Twenty minutes later, the Tozier family found themselves lounging on their couch with full stomachs discussing the horrible decisions of the Bachelorette.

“I can’t believe Jojo is still keeping Chad around.” Sarah said. “He’s so not good for her!”

“Sure he looks good but his personality is no consolation prize.” Maggie chimed in. “She really needs to send him home.”

“Who she needs to send home is Daniel.” His dad stated. “He’s definitely gay.”

“No he’s not.” Sarah protested.

“Kid, look, he’s like a one-man pride parade.” Wentworth joked. “An eternal flame.”

Across the couch from him, Richie tensed up. He knew his dad was joking. He wouldn’t be making the joke if he knew that his son was gay. But that was the problem, he didn’t know that he was gay. Beverly has always talked about how she would rather have someone insult her instead of listening to them insult another girl. Richie agreed. Nothing was worse than the secret humiliation of being insulted by proxy.

Sarah goes on to tell their dad about how it’s unfair to joke about someone’s sexuality. Richie silently thanks her for it. The rest of the night goes without conflict.

 

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: Hallo weiners_

_Blue,_

_I’m in disbelief that you’re not dressing up for Halloween. Where’s the fun in that? My friend says that dressing up is the best part, and the entire point, of the holiday. How are the children supposed to have fun if the slightly older children who is giving them candy isn’t even dressed up? That’s sick!_

_My friends and I like to get competitive with our costumes. The rules are simple: whoever has the best costume wins! I’d like to say that I’ve been the winner every year but the others would disagree. The key to the best costume is something simple, yet badass. I’ve got the best idea for this year!_

_I can’t wait to dress up. It’s fun not having to be yourself for a day. You’re throwing away the perfect opportunity to be whoever you want for a full 24 hours!_

_Disappointedly yours,_

_Jacques._

_From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: Hallo weiners_

_Jacques,_

_I’m sorry to disappoint so maybe I’ll have to think it over. What do you think I should be?_

_Your friends sound very interesting! I want to say that your costumes were the best but I’ll need visual proof for that. I know you won’t give me any. That’s okay. Have you guys ever done any group costumes? I always wanted to do that but my friends can be lame sometimes! We all have different tastes._

_What’s your favourite Halloween treat? Mine would have to be the Halloween Oreos. Orange just tastes better. It’s science._

_Anyways, I hope you enjoy your day off from being Jacques. And I hope everyone likes your Ninja costume (that has to be it right? The perfect mix of simple and badass.)_

_Blue._

Halloween was on Friday and Richie hadn’t completed his costume yet. Today was Wednesday. He and Beverly had decided to go for their classic couple’s costume like they had done for the past three years. This year they had settled on Yoko Ono and John Lennon. They had already organized and coordinated their all white outfits but after school they were going to go buy their wigs.

It was a warm fall day in Derry, Maine so their lunch group had decided to sit outside at the picnic tables for lunch while they still could. The whole group was already eating when Eddie showed up a few minutes late and slid into his spot.

“Guess what!” Eddie said excitedly.

“Your mom finally got laid by someone other than me.” Richie answered with a smirk.

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Not even close, moron.”

Beverly laughed. “What is it, Eddie?” She asked him.

“My aunt, the one who lives in Florida, just got a divorce and is not taking it well.” He started.

Bill’s eyes went wide. “I am so sorry, Eddie.” He offered with a soft tone.

“I’m not!” Eddie laughed. “She’s gone crazy and so my mom has to fly to Florida for the weekend and she leaves Thursday night and won’t be back until Sunday evening! Which means that I get to throw the best Halloween party in all of Derry!” He explained enthusiastically.

“Hell yes!” Beverly cheered. “We are inviting the whole grade!” She stood up on the table and started to yell. “Halloween party this Friday! Halloween party at Eddie Kaspbrak’s house!” She announced it a few more times before hopping back down.

The group found themselves laughing at her silly antics as she sat back down in her seat.

After catching his breath, Richie gathered his things and stood up. “I have to go print off an assignment before next period.” He explained. “I’ll see you guys later.”

The group gave him their goodbyes and he was off towards the library. Richie plopped himself down at one of the school’s computers and logged into his account. He opened the web browser and opened up his cloud account so he could print his assignment. Richie easily sent the paper to the printer and watched as the little icon slowly displayed its progress.

Glancing around the library, Richie looked to see if the coast was clear before opening up gmail and logging into his account.  He hadn’t replied to Blue’s last email yet.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Re: Hallo weiners_

_Blue,_

_I think you should be some sexy variation of anything. Sexy nurse. Sexy police man. Sexy lobster? Let me know what you think!_

_My friend and I are actually going in matching costumes this year. I think it’ll be our best one yet!_

_My favourite candy is Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. They beat all!_

_As for the Oreo claim, I have never had the orange ones. Don’t ask me why. Somehow they have never been on my radar. I’ll have to try them!_

_Jacques._

Richie glanced down at the printer icon to see that it had finished printing. He stood up from the computer to grab his assignment before turning around to search for a stapler so he could hand it in once he got to class. He spotted one at the front desk and made his way over to staple it. Richie saw that Greta was talking to the librarian, so he quietly snuck around behind her to reach for the stapler. Once finished he thanked the librarian before leaving the library to head to class.

           

“Hey Richie,” Greta called out to Richie from across the school’s theatre.

Richie looked up from his script. He was working on memorizing the lyrics to the final song. He had been struggling for weeks with it. “What do you want Greta?” He asked.

She motioned for him to come over. “Just come here.” She insisted.

Richie furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m learning my lines.”

“Just come take a water break with me.” She demanded.

Richie got up to meet her, mostly just to shut her up. She led them out of the theatre and down the hall to the nearest water fountain.

“My brother is gay.” Greta announced randomly.

Richie froze in his tracks. “Okay and?” He questioned.

Greta shrugged. “I just thought you’d want to know, that’s all.” She leaned down to take a sip from the water fountain.

“Why would I want to know that?” Richie asked, his voice sounding slow.

“Since you’re gay.” She said nonchalantly as she stood up straight. Richie could feel his jaw drop at her statement.

“What are you talking about?” Richie demanded.

“I read your emails in the library earlier.” She said. “It wasn’t on purpose. I used the computer after you and you didn’t log out. What’s the point of the fake names?”

“It’s none of your business.” Richie had enough of the conversation and turned away from Greta to make his way back to rehearsal.

“Well obviously you don’t want anyone to know.” She said in a challenging tone. “Although people would be pretty cool with it, you should be who you are.”

Richie didn’t know what to say to her. Greta was a straight girl who barely knew him. Yet there he stood, scared of the information she possibly knew. He still found himself rolling his eyes at her.

“Okay, whatever, well I won’t show any one.” She said.

“Thank you that’s- wait _show anyone_? What did you do, print out my emails or something?” Richie asked her.

“No one prints things these days.” She stated as if it were obvious. “I screenshotted them.”

“You fucking screenshotted my emails?” Richie practically yelled at her. His voice rang through the empty hallway.

She shifted her weight onto her hip and crossed her arms over her chest. “Anyways, I know that you’re friends with Mike Hanlon, that new kid. I figured you could help me get an in with him.”

Richie was ready to scream. “Or we could go back to the fact that you screenshotted my emails!”

Greta shrugged. “I mean, I guess that I’m wondering if you could help me talk to Mike. That would be great.”

“So what, you want me to put in a good word for you?” Richie asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Greta answered as if it were all so simple.

Richie sighed. “Why the fuck would I do that?” Greta gave him a smile and suddenly it all dawned on him. Greta had pictures of some very private emails in which Richie admits that he is very much gay to another boy who is also a closeted gay themselves. She could easily out him in a heartbeat. “So you’re going to force me into doing this?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m forcing you to do anything.” She reasoned.

“And so what if I don’t?” Richie asked her. “You’re going to post the pictures on facebook or twitter?”

“I was thinking maybe the school blog.” She simple added. “Look I just think that we’re both in a great position to help one another.” She offered.

“Fuck you, you’re blackmailing me!” Richie argued.

“Richie, I’m not going to show them to anyone, calm down.” She insisted. “Just give me a helping hand when it comes to Mike.”

She really wasn’t giving him much of a choice. Richie knew that if the emails were to be exposed, Blue would easily never talk to him again. Never speaking to Blue again was something that Richie very much did not want to happen. He had no choice but to ‘help’ her.

“Fine.” Richie huffed. “Can I go back to rehearsal now?”

“Oh yeah, for sure.” Greta waved him off with a smile.

Richie ran back to the theater and didn’t talk to anyone else for the rest of the day.

 

The day of Halloween found Richie sitting at the usual lunch table surrounded by his friends. Despite their age, each of them still enjoyed dressing up for school, even if it was just a simple costume. Richie was wearing a blue tshirt with the superman logo printed on it with a clean white button up over top. Stan had taken an orange shirt and drawn a jack-o-lantern face on it. Mike had worn a pair of overalls with a plaid shirt, claiming he was a farmer. Beverly was wearing a plain black shirt with cat ears.

“Isn’t being a black cat a little cliché?” Stan asked her from across the table.

“Maybe so,” Beverly answered. “But this is only my day time costume. Richie and I have something great planned for later.”

A few minutes later, Ben along with Eddie and Bill came along and sat down at the end of their table. They joined in on the conversation of Halloween costumes and their favourite holiday treats.

“My favourite is 3 Musketeers.” Ben stated proudly.

“Gross, Kit-Kats are the only treat for me.” Beverly retorted.

“You’re all daft, Oh Henry bars are the ultimate grand supreme of candy!” Stan argued.

“They’re not candy but my favourite treat is the Halloween Oreos.” Eddie chimed in from across the table. Richie’s eyes went wide at the mention of the cookie. He hadn’t heard of the cookies until Blue had told him about them and now Eddie was mentioning them. Could Eddie be Blue?

“Ooh good point, those are good!” Beverly agreed. “They should give those out to kids.”

“I thought that Kit-Kats were the best?” Bill questioned her with a smirk.

“Shut up Bill, I can like as many snacks as I want.”

Richie laughed at his friends, shaking the thought of Blue away as he turned his attention back to eating his food. He only managed to grab a few bites before there was someone standing behind him. Richie looked to see Greta standing there holding her pink lunch bag.

“Got room for one more?” Greta asked him with a smile.

Richie looked at the table which currently had every seat filled. “Uh sorry, we’re sort of filled at the moment.”

“Well couldn’t we all shuffle around?” She asked.

Richie raised an eyebrow. “We all sort of have our own seats, really.”

“It’s a lunch table, there isn’t assigned seats Richie.”

“Well we have them.” Richie stated.

“What’s going on?” Stan questioned them.

“Richie and I were just having a little chat.” Greta jumped in. “Actually, Richie could you join me over here for a minute, please?” She gave him a look which Richie knew he had no choice.

“I’ll be right back.” He said to Stan who nodded and went back to his conversation with Bill. Meanwhile, Greta was dragging him by the arm across the cafeteria. “What do you want?” Richie asked her.

“I want you to help me talk to Mike.” She stated. “I don’t know why it’s so hard. I’m obviously hot and he’s got those muscles…” Richie didn’t like the way she paused to gape at Mike across the room. “Anyways, why aren’t you helping me?”

“There’s no room at the table, Greta. There is physically no more seats.” Richie explained.

“So?” She asked with pursed lips.

Richie raised his hand to rub at the back of his neck and let out a deep sigh. “Christ, okay. Look, there’s this Halloween party happening tonight and Mike is going. I guess you can come with us.”

Greta’s eyes lit up. “Really! That would be amazing!”

“Yeah, we’re meeting at Stan’s house so be there.” Richie said as he started to walk away. “Oh and wear a cool costume.”

“I will!” Greta called after him.

 

As Richie sat through his classes he couldn’t focus on anything the teachers were saying. Not when all he could think about was stupid Greta and her chaotic evil ways. Greta was easily one of the most annoying people in the school. Richie wouldn’t put it beyond her to even be one of the most annoying people in the world. That’s how annoying she was. When they were younger she used to take on some bullying tendencies but after her closest (and meanest) friend switched schools, she had no choice but to try being nice. To add to it all, Greta had entered her boy crazy phase only a year or so ago, which easily explained why she was harassing Richie about Mike.

The other thing Richie couldn’t stop thinking about was how Eddie could potentially be Blue. His proclaimed love for orange Oreos could easily make him Blue but Richie didn’t know enough about Eddie to confirm everything else he has told him.

His teacher had announced a pop quiz for the class which Richie was supposed to be focusing on yet he couldn’t help but stare at the back of Eddie’s head across the room from him. Eddie was wearing an adorable baby blue polo with his hair neatly done and Richie felt like he could die. He always did think that Eddie was cute.

“Richie, eyes on your own paper.” The teacher warned him.

Richie gave him a nod of understanding before looking back at his paper. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Eddie turn his head to look behind him towards Richie. He quickly glanced up to meet his gaze and flashed him a smile before Eddie turned back around to finish his quiz.

 

“You’re still wearing that shit costume?” Beverly asked Stan as she and Richie approached his house. He was standing outside waiting for them as he was still wearing the same orange jack-o-lantern shirt from earlier that day.

“This,” Stan said pointing to his shirt, “is a classic costume. Can’t go wrong with this one.” He looked over Beverly and Richie. They were dressed in all white and both of them had long brown-haired wigs on. Richie had swapped out his usual thick glasses for contacts and a small pair of circular glasses. “Why are you two dressed up as Jesus and aa fancy ghost?” He asked them.

Richie scoffed. “Good guess, dipshit but I am Joh Lennon and she is Yoko Ono.”

“How uncultured are you?” Beverly asked him with a smile.

Before Stan could argue back, Mike was approaching them. He was still wearing the overalls from earlier but he had swapped out the long sleeved plaid shirt for a short sleeved version and he left the top few buttons undone. He had also added a straw hat and bandana around his neck.

“Howdy y’all!” He greeted his friends with a laugh.

“Now you look like a farmer!” Stan exclaimed.

Mike tipped his hat forward. “Thank you partner.”

Stan clapped his hands together eagerly. “Well, shall we hit the road?”

The group offered a round of agreement as they all shuffled to Stan’s car. It wasn’t actually his car, it was his dad’s but he was allowed to borrow it from time to time. Stan wasn’t much of a drinker so he chose to be the designated driver for the night. Just as they opened the doors, Greta swooped in from around the street corner.

“Sorry I’m late!” She called out as she walked forward. She was wearing an oversized white shirt with a yellow circle on her stomach and devil horns on her head. “Hi Mike!”

Mike gave her a polite wave. “Hi Greta.”

“What are you supposed to be?” Beverly asked her.

Greta did a little twirl for them. “I’m a devilled egg! Get it?” She pointed to her horns.

“Yeah, nice.” Beverly said.

“Let’s get going shall we?” Greta asked as she pushed past Beverly to hop into the back seat of the car.

The car ride to Eddie’s house was only ten minutes but with Greta in the car it felt like a lifetime. Mike had sat in the front seat next to Stan but Greta persisted on leaning forward to try and talk to Mike, despite their obvious conversation that was happening. Richie could see Mike’s annoyed expression from where he was sat. Mike was definitely going to kill him for this later.

They rolled up to the party and Richie could easily hear the music before he even entered the house. They all walked inside and Eddie greeted them right away.

“You guys came!” Eddie announced happily! He was dressed up in a simple black tux with a black bowtie and he had black sunglasses perched in his hair.

“Of course we did!” Beverly greeted him

“Hey Eds, what’s your costume?” Richie asked him.

“That’s not my name,” Eddie replied as he put his glasses on properly and reached inside his jacket to retrieve what looked like a black pen. He held it up near his face. “I’m Agent E, men in black!” Eddie explained.

“Nice, I like it!” Richie said. “Simple yet badass. I loved those movies when I was growing up.” He added.

“Thanks!” Richie almost missed the blush that crept onto Eddie’s cheeks as he took off his glasses. “Can I get you guys something to drink?” He asked, leading them away from the front door and towards the kitchen.

Once everyone had a drink in their hands, the group slowly spread apart. Stan had gone to talk to someone from his baseball team while Eddie returned to being the host. Mike had wandered off to talk to some friends from his extracurriculars. Beverly and Richie were left alone together, which was probably for the best since their costumes made more sense if they were together.

The music was playing quite loudly, unsurprisingly for a high school house party. Richie wasn’t always one for dancing but Beverly was, always wanting to drag him into situations that were perfect for him to embarrass himself. She held a red cup in her hand but it was only filled with orange soda since Beverly wasn’t one for drinking. There was a group of people already dancing out on the back patio that Richie could see through the back doors. Beverly held her hand out to Richie as he started to sway her hips herself and gestured her heard towards the doors, letting Richie know her intentions.

Knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do this sober, Richie threw back his beer before taking Beverly’s hand and heading onto the back porch with her. Once outside where the music was even louder, Richie found himself falling into rhythm with the music and dancing along. He knew that he probably looked ridiculous, but he was starting to feel the alcohol kicking in and having a good time.

The two of them danced for a few songs before Beverly excused herself to get another soda. Richie stepped away from the group of dancers to take a break himself.

Eddie was standing next to a ping pong table setting up a new game when Richie walked by. “Hey Richie!” He called out. “Wanna play some pong?”

Richie nodded his head. Pong sounded like a great idea to him right now. Maybe it was because he found himself drawn to Eddie. He did look really good in that suit.

“We need two more players,” Eddie told him.

Richie looked around for the closest people. “Uh,” he spotted Mike out of the corner of his eye. “Mike! Come play pong!” Mike gave him a smile and made his way over. Desperate for another player, Richie saw Greta talking to another girl he recognized from the school play. “Greta! Come play with us!” He called out. Greta made her way over quickly and stood next to Mike with a wide grin on her face.

“Usual rules,” Eddie started, “two in get an extra shot, islands are worth double, no smack downs or call backs, trick shots are encouraged!” He bounced the ball across to Mike. “Guests go first.”

The game went by pretty fast. Richie and Eddie were pretty good. They easily got one cup each round while the other team wasn’t doing as great. Mike was a decent player but Greta was absolute shit. Mike would eventually get a cup for his team. Richie and Eddie found themselves sipping on their beers so they wouldn’t lose their buzz. In the end, Eddie won the game with ease.

“We are the champions, my friends!” Richie sang out as he slung an arm over Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie joined in with him. “We’ll keep on fighting til the end!” Eddie quickly had an idea and stepped out from under Richie’s arm to stand in front of him.

“I have an idea! Follow me!” Eddie said and he was grabbing Richie’s wrist and dragging him back inside to the main living room. Eddie stopped in front of the large television that was against the wall. It was currently showing some sort of sport before Eddie changed the channel and messed around with a few buttons on a console underneath.

The pause in activity gave Richie a moment to look around Eddie’s house. He had seen it before when he first walked in but now he could get a proper look. The house was a decent size.  Richie had no idea what Eddie’s mom did as a job but it must pay well, considering the larger than normal television and sound system Eddie was toying around with.

“It’s time for karaoke!” Eddie exclaimed as he stood up holding two microphones. His announcement earned a round of cheers and applause, even drawing in a few more people from outside. Eddie handed Richie a mic. “Pick a song, Rich!”

Richie accepted the mic as he thought about what song he had the courage to sing in front of the crowd that had formed before him. “Do you have _Come on Eileen?_ ” Richie whispered to Eddie. The other boy gave him a nod and soon the song was playing through the speakers. Richie didn’t think that he was going to be able to sing with so many people watching but when he looked at Eddie and he saw him flash a promising smile, Richie felt like he could do anything.

Suddenly Richie was performing. Not just singing but performing. He wasn’t really sure where the courage was coming from (it was probably the alcohol he had consumed) but Eddie was giving off some sort of _energy_ that made Richie just go along with it all. Eddie had him dancing around on the make shift stage and Richie was loving it. He was actually having fun.

Eventually the song had to end and Richie was passing the mic off to the next person who wanted a go at the fun. Richie plopped himself down on the couch where Beverly had found a seat on. He leaned his head against the back of the sofa and turned to look at Beverly.

“That was fun.” He told her as he was still a little out of breath.

She nodded at him. “It sure looked like it.” She agreed. “When did you and Eddie get so close?” She asked him.

Richie shrugged. “Dunno, he’s fun though.” Beverly just gave him a smile.

After Richie had sung a few more songs on his own, he had noticed that Eddie was nowhere to be seen. Figuring that he should probably go to the washroom before he accidentally pisses himself, Richie climbed the stairs to where he assumed he would find a bathroom. Luckily the first door he opened was in fact a washroom.

Once he was done his business, Richie splashed some water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror.

“Eddie,” he mumbled softly. “It’s me, I’m jack. Are you Green?” His words were slurring together slightly and Richie wondered when he had gotten this drunk. “Shit no, Jacques it’s me, Blue. Wait no, Blue it’s me J-j-j-jacques, fuck why did I choose such a hard name.” Richie wiped his face on the hand towel nearby before opening the door and walking back into the hallway. On a mission to find Eddie, the person who seemed to fit the criteria for being Blue, Richie started opening whatever doors he found in front of him.

Richie turned the handle on one door and pushed it open, his eyes growing wide at the sight on the other side. Eddie was sitting on the bed with some blonde haired girl dressed up as a nurse practically sitting on his lap. Richie felt like he could throw up.

“Oh, um sorry.” He mumbled. “I was looking for the bathroom.” Richie quickly pulled the door closed and walked back to the stairs. Suddenly he felt like he needed to run away and get as far away from whatever he just walked in on as possible. He had just walked in on Eddie kissing a girl. A GIRL. Richie could have sworn that there was something going on between the two of them tonight. That maybe Eddie was possibly Blue. Then again, Richie’s gaydar was never the best.

Once back downstairs, Greta was walking up to him.

“Richie, I just want to thank you.” She was clearly wasted. “I’ve had so much fun tonight.”

“Not now Greta.” Richie dismissed her. He scanned the room trying to find Beverly so she could take him home.

“Richie, I just-” All of a sudden she was cutting herself off as she threw up some bright pink drink all over Richie’s white shirt.

“Fuck, seriously Greta?” He exclaimed. He pulled the now dirty shirt over his head and slouched as he realized that he no longer had a shirt to wear. He walked away leaving Greta behind, needing to find his best friend as soon as possible.

           

It turned out that Stan and Mike were ready to go home too. Stan had drove them all home, dropping Richie and Beverly off at the Tozier household. The two of them managed to sneak back inside and into Richie’s bedroom without waking up his family which Richie was grateful for, he didn’t need them seeing him drunk right now. Knowing that Beverly was going to sleepover, Maggie had already set up the spare mattress at the foot of Richie’s bed like they always did when she stayed over.

The two of them quickly changed into their pyjamas, Richie taking the bathroom while Beverly changed in his room, before crawling into their beds. Richie had left the white Christmas lights he had strung up around his walls on, giving the room a soft glow. Richie was about to fall asleep when Beverly started speaking.

“Hey Richie?” She whispered softly to him.

Richie shifted on his bed so that his head was closer to hers. “Yeah Bev?”

She hesitated before speaking again. “Do you ever feel weird?” She asked.

“Weird?”

“Sometimes I feel like I’m always on the outside.” She said. “There’s this invisible line that I have to cross to really be a part of everything and then I just… I can never cross it.” Beverly admitted.

Richie took a deep breath. “If that’s weird, then sometimes I feel weird too.”

Beverly sat up slightly, perching her elbow on the raised edge of Richie’s bed. “You know, I think I’m destined to care about somebody so much that it nearly kills me.”

Richie looked up at his best friend and thought about what she just said. He loved a lot of people. Richie loved his parents and his little sister and he loved his dog. He definitely loved his friends too. But he felt like there was a separate section of his hear that was set aside to love someone in a different way. He was destined to love them with all that he has to give. Unconditionally, no matter what. He nodded his head. “Me too. I hope that I get to meet them soon.”

Beverly held her gaze as she stared into Richie’s eyes. “Richie…” She whispered even quieter than before.

Something about the look on her face made Richie feel uneasy. He quickly sat up and shuffled his way back under his covers, his feet replacing where his head was. “It’s late, we should go to sleep.” He told her.

Beverly laid back down on her mattress and turned her back to face Richie’s bed. Good night, Richie.” She mumbled.

“Goodnight, Beverly.”

           

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: ???_

_Blue,_

_I think that I may have drank too much mystery juice. No one knew what was in that drink._

_But I’ve been thinking about the idea of secret identities. Do you ever feel locked inside of yourself? I don’t think that really makes any sense. What I mean is that do you ever feel like everyone else knows who you are except for yourself?_

_Maybe I’ve been thinking about costumes too much and I’ve developed a complex._

_Another thing I have been thinking a lot about. It doesn’t seem fair that only gay people have to come out. Why is straight the default? How come only gay people have to go through that?_

_I hope you had fun on candy duty while dressed as a sexy starfish._

_Jacques._

_From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: ???_

_Jacques,_

_It sounds like you had a fun night! I have also thought about how it’s unfair that only gay people have to come out. Imagine a world where straight people were the ones telling their parents who they want to have sex with. Crazy._

_My Halloween was good too. I didn’t dress up as a sexy starfish. I did dress up though and I was relieved of candy duty. I had a fun time with a group of friends doing regular teenager things._

_I actually always had a costume planned. I just didn’t tell you because I was afraid that you would find out who I was. Maybe I should have told you so we could meet. Although I know that you probably don’t want to do that yet._

_Pretend I didn’t mention it._

_Blue._

After discovering that Eddie was not Blue, Richie was back at ground zero. He had no idea who Blue could possibly be. While walking through the school halls, whenever Richie saw someone wearing a Game of Thrones logo shirt he instantly thought of the possibility of them being Blue. He realized that the odd of them being Blue were very small, but none of the guys were Richie’s type so maybe he wasn’t at a loss.

Richie decided to throw his focus back into the school’s play. There was less than two months left before opening night which meant that he really needed to hammer down and figure out his lines. Despite the entire cast knowing that, Richie found himself with some other members of the chorus and the band kids talking about their winter break plans.

“I know thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet but I can’t wait for Christmas!” One girl Emma said. “There’s just something about the time of year that’s so magical.”

“This year my parents are taking me on a cruise to Mexico.” Jonathon the bass player chimed in. “Thank God, I can’t stand the cold.”

“Lucky you, every year I go to this cabin with my family up north.” Cal said. “It’s pretty nice but there’s no service whatsoever. The only entertainment I’ve got is a book and some board games.”

“What about you Richie?” Emma asked him. “What do you do for the holidays?”

“Nothing really,” he shrugged. “Just stay home and hang around.”

“Well at least you’ll have wifi!” Cal said cheerily.

 

While focussing on _Footloose_ , Richie was also juggling the mass amount of assignments and tests that high school teachers loved to throw at their students all at once. Richie never understood. All the teachers poke to one another so wouldn’t they know that they’re all making their assignments due at the same time? Richie thought they would be understanding and spread everything out instead of piling it onto them, burying them until they were suffocating in review papers.

Since coffee didn’t seem to work on Richie, he had been snacking on various types of candy for the past few hours as he willed himself to stay awake long enough to get at least one essay done. After hitting a total mind block, Richie opened up his email to write to Blue. Maybe he would have some essay writing tips.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: Why, why, why…_

_… do teachers like to have all their assignments due at the exact. same. time? My mind is officially numb. I cannot go on. I have 4 tests in the next two days as well as an essay due second period. I swear I handed in an essay for the same class only days ago. As quickly   as time flies, it doesn’t fly fast enough._

_Despite that, it is currently 4:15 am and I am running out of time to write this assignment. I’ve hit a dead end though which is why I am taking a break to email you. I am very exhausted and have been typing nonsense words for hours so I am apologizing in advance if none of this is coherent, but please don’t judge me Blue. Even if I fuck up my grammar. You’re like the best writer, Blue, and normally I try to check everything like three times because I don’t want to disappoint you. If I mess up my your and you’re and their they’re theres, I blame the people who created the complex language of English._

_I’m trying not to think about how dead I will be tomorrow. I am not sure how I will be awake enough to write an English test as well as one in une autre langue that I suck at_

_completement. LE FUCK._

_I had a weird dream the other night. We had decided to meet up at a place where everything is pitch black so we could still hang out and not know who the other is. Everything would still be anonymous but we would be able to have a real conversation. That way nothing would be ruined. How could would that be?_

_Anyways, I have a midterm paper calling my name._

_Jacques._

Sometime roughly around 5:30 am, Richie had fallen asleep on top of his computer. As he heard this alarm clock blaring across the room next to his bed, Richie slowly sat up from the hunched over position he had fallen asleep in. Realizing that it was now 7:30 am, Richie panicked to start getting ready. Luckily for him he had finished his essay and had passed out during his attempt at studying for his French test.

After throwing on some clean clothes and shoving his notes hastily into his backpack, Richie ran downstairs to grab a bite to eat before heading out to pick up his friends.

“Your sister made pancakes this morning, Richie.” Maggie said to her son as he entered the kitchen.

“Simple blueberry pancakes with a raspberry compote.” Sarah explained as Richie quickly shoved a few bites into his mouth. “It tastes nice but I don’t think the consistency is quite right.” She sighed.

“They taste great, Sar!” Richie assured her after he downed a glass of milk. “I’ve gotta go, love you guys.” He grabbed his keys off of the counter and headed outside.

As Richie fumbled with his keys to unlock his car he glanced across the street to see the neighbour’s lawn worker with a leaf blower strapped over him. He had it turned on, Richie could hear the loud noise it made. To be honest, Richie had been watching the guy take care of their neighbour’s lawn since the summer, his bedroom window gave him a great view of the muscular college man.

“Hey!” Richie called out to the guy from the end of his driveway. “Hey!” The worker turned around but didn’t turn off the blower. “I like your boots!” Richie yelled to him. The guy raised a hand to his ear to signal that he couldn’t hear him. Richie only yelled louder. “I said I like your boots!” The guy gave up and turned back around to blow away some more leaves. “Goddamn.” Richie sighed as he opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. He let his head fall forward, accidentally landing on the horn which let out a small beep. Defeated, Richie started the car and pulled out of the driveway and towards Beverly’s house.

As he drove, Richie found himself thinking about the entire Greta and Mike situation. He somehow needed to have Mike and Greta spend more time together. As Richie glanced into his rear-view mirror he could see Stan and Mike laughing together, presumably at something sarcastic Stan had said. He had that sort of humour, dry yet still somehow funny. It was what originally drew Richie towards Stan all those years ago. Stan and Mike did spend an awful lot of time together, leaving not much wiggle room for Greta to slip in. Beverly said something to Richie that he didn’t quite hear but he nodded anyways. He had an idea.

Richie pulled into Derry High’s main parking lot and parked his truck. As Beverly and Mike stepped out, Richie asked Stan to stay.

“Yeah Richie, what’s up?” Stan asked him. “Everything okay?”

Richie nodded his head. “Yeah of course, um.” Richie quickly thought back to the last sleepover when Beverly proclaimed her destiny of loving someone so much it just might kill her. She always had lingering stares towards Stan, often spending time with him alone after Richie had dropped them off from school, and complimenting him in various ways. “I think you should ask Bev out.” Richie bluntly delivered.  
Stan tilted his head at him. “Why, does she like me like that?” He asked.

“Oh yeah,” Richie answered. “Like a lot. And you two would be so cute together, I mean you already have a great chemistry.” He exaggerated. “You could take her out for dinner or something before homecoming, that’s pretty soon.”

Stan nodded his head slowly as he contemplated the idea. He didn’t seem opposed to it. “Sure,” he said, “why not?”

“Great! So let it be said, so let it be done!” Richie declared before opening his door and stepping out.

As the four friends made their way into the school, Richie felt his phone vibrate. Once he was past the wandering eyes of vice principal Mr. Wilson, Richie pulled out his phone to see that Blue had emailed him back. Richie had improved on his ability to text while not looking at his phone, allowing him to reply to Blue’s emails despite the teachers who were always on the lookout.

 

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: Why, why, why_

_Zombie Jacques,_

_I hope you made it through the night. I don’t know what force of power was keeping you awake past 4 am (presumably coffee?).  While I know that you’re guaranteed to have a pretty shitty day, I hope you were able to squeeze in at least an hour of sleep. I do have to admit that you are pretty cute when you’re exhausted and were able to remain totally and completely coherent with perfect grammar as well. Kudos to you._

_Hang in there today with the quizzes. I’ve got a feeling that you’ll do great. You seem to have a clever mind._

_Although I do have to say that your mind is a little weird. I’ve never heard of such a strange dream. It was an interesting concept though._

_Blue._

The email made Richie smile. Blue had said that he was cute. He would be lying of he said that the simple comment didn’t make him blush. Someone thought he was cute. He glanced at the time and saw that he had about five minutes before the bell rang, plenty of time to reply to Blue. Before he could even type out a subject, his locker door was slammed closed in his face.

“Richie!” Greta greeted him as if she didn’t almost chop his hand off. “We have a problem.”

“What is it, Greta?”

“No progress has been made with Mike.” She stated. Richie noticed that she was chewing gum. Rather loudly too. “Which means that you’re not doing what you said you would and you know what could possibly happen.” Richie grimaced as she popped her gum.

“Look Greta, it’s not my fault if Mike doesn’t want to talk to you.” He said with a monotone voice.

“That doesn’t sound like helpful words.” Greta complained.

Richie let out a sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. “Fine okay. Mike and I were going to go to Waffle House tonight to run lines and eat waffles. You can come along I guess.”

Greta squealed, if the high-pitched noise her small body made could be called that. “Sounds perfect, I will see you there!” She turned around and was gone just as quick as she had appeared.

 

After writing one quiz and having handed in his essay, Richie was feeling a little bit lighter. He was sitting down at their usual lunch table surrounded by his friends. They were discussing if tomatoes were actually a fruit or not.

“They’re a vegetable.” Mike stated. “You wouldn’t put tomato in a fruit salad. Duh.”

“I thought you grew up on a farm? What kind of farmer doesn’t know that a tomato is a fruit?” Stan challenged him.

As the group continued to argue, Eddie leaned towards Richie who was sitting next to him.

“It’s obviously a vegetable,” he said to him. “There is no logical reason to put a fruit on top of a burger.”

Richie smirked. “Eddie Spaghetti, that is a very good point.”

“Please do no call me that.” Eddie scoffed at the nickname.

“Don’t call you what, Eds?” Richie asked coyly.

“Either of those, they are not my name.” Eddie said.

“They both sounds like your name to me, Edward Spagedward.” Richie said with a wink.

“Nope, that’s even worse.”

 

“Don’t hate me,” Richie started. He and Mike were in the car driving to Waffle House so they could practice their lines together over some tasty waffles. “But I invited Greta to tag along tonight.”

“You did what?” Mike asked him. “Why on earth would you invite her?”

Richie shrugged. “I don’t know, she can be a fun person sometimes I guess.” He could see Mike giving him an unhappy look from beside him. “She’s in the play and you two have a good amount of lines together so it makes at least a little bit of sense.” Richie reasoned.

Mike didn’t agree but he also didn’t say anything more on the subject.

Richie pulled into the Waffle House parking lot to see Greta waiting for them outside. She gave them a big wave as Richie turned off the car and stepped out.

“Hey Mike, hi Richie! I already got us a table inside and ordered us some classic waffles so we could get started right away!” She turned to lead them all inside and to their table. Greta offered Mike her side of the booth but he slid in next to Richie anyways.

As they all pulled out their scripts, a tall boy with short black hair approached the table wearing a Waffle House uniform.

“I’m Lyle and I’m your server for tonight.” He explained. “I know Greta here already ordered your food but can I get some drinks for you all?”

“I’ll have a water.” Mike requested.

“I will also have a water.” Greta added with a smile directed at Mike.

Richie looked at Lyle. He couldn’t help but check him out. He was just about Richie’s height with clear blue eyes and dimples on both cheeks. Lyle gave him a smile and Richie may or may not have fallen slightly in love with him. “I’ll have a coke.” He said.

“Coming right up!” Lyle gave them a little head nod before leaving to retrieve their drinks.

Richie continued to watch Lyle as he moved around behind the counter. Mike gave his shoulder a slight nudge.

“Dude why are you staring?” He asked him.

Richie shook away his thoughts and turned to look at Mike. “I think he was in my biology class last year.” He shrugged. “Anyways, let’s get started.”

“Act two, scene three.” Greta read. “Mike’s character is struggling to learn how to dance. I’ll read your cues for you.”

Lyle came back silently to give them their drinks without trying to interrupt. Richie watched as he placed down his drink, giving him a sincere smile before he walked away.

“Thanks.” Mike said. He cleared his throat to get into character before reading his lines.

It was Greta’s turn to give him the cue. “You delivered that so well.” She said instead.

Mike gave her a look of confusion. “Thanks… But can you give me my next cue please?”

Greta obviously had something else on her mind. “I’m realizing that I don’t know much about, Mike.”

“That’s okay, we’re doing this right now.” Mike deterred.

“Why did you move to Derry? Why couldn’t you stay in your last town for senior year?” Greta asked. She had closed her script, clearly not going back to it right now.

“That’s sort of a personal question.” Richie interjected sensing the uncomfortable aura Mike was giving off.

“I want to know,” Greta insisted. “In order to be a better actor you must be able to connect with the other artists on stage.”

“But what does that have to do with why Mike moved here?” Richie asked.

Mike sighed. “My parents died last summer.” He said. Richie felt his jaw drop open. “Our house, it was old and wooden. One night it just went up in flames as we were all sleeping.” Mike explained.

“Oh my god.” Greta whispered softly. Richie glanced over at her. She looked like tears could fall from her eyes any second now.

“I could hear my parents calling for me as I tried to get to them but I was pulled out by a firefighter before I could. They never made it out.” He added. “So now I live with my grandparents in an apartment on the outskirts of town. It’s a nice house but I’d rather still have my parents around than live in a fancy apartment.”

“I am so sorry,” Greta said. She reached out to put her hand on top of Mike’s as it rested on the table. “No one deserves to go through that. What you deserve is all the happiness in the world, Mike Hanlon. The universe owes it to you.”

“Thanks but I wouldn’t go as far as that.” Mike replied. Richie could see a softness in his eyes that he had never seen before.

Greta withdrew her hand. “And why not?”

Mike shrugged. “Some people have it worse than me, I don’t know.” He offered.

“Mike, you are so strong and amazing. You deserve all the stars in the galaxy.” She repeated.

“Can we just go back to reading lines, please.” He asked.

“Not until you agree that you deserve the whole world.” She demanded.

“I’m not saying that.” He argued.

Greta gave him a smile. “Then I’m not stopping until you do.”

“Stopping what?” Mike asked but his response was too late. Greta was already moving to stand on top of their table.

“My name is Greta Keene and I know that Mike Hanlon here,” she pointed to Mike who was trying to hide behind his script, “deserves all the happiness in the world. He deserves all of the stars in the sky-”

“Please get down!” Mike hissed at her.

“He deserves the sun and all the moons! Every planet in this galaxy and the next!” Greta continued.

Mike took a deep breath quickly as he put down his script. He moved the napkin dispenser out of his way before going to stand on top of the table. “My name is Mike Hanlon and I deserve all the happiness in the world.” He said begrudgingly. 

“Say it like you mean it!” Greta told him.

Mike sighed. “I deserve all the happiness in the world!” He said in a more optimistic tone.

“I can’t hear you!” Greta said cupping a hand over her hear.

“My name is Mike and I deserve all the happiness in the world!” Mike shouted. By now everyone in the restaurant was looking at them with unamused expressions.

“Perfect.” Greta said as she hopped down from the table and back into her seat. She picked up her script and opened it as if nothing unusual just happened. “It’s going to take more practice than you think, dancing doesn’t come naturally to everyone.” She said giving Mike his cue.

Richie looked around the restaurant, his eyes wandering for Lyle. It looked like the standard Waffle House, the same as every other one across the country. A lot of stainless steel with sparks of yellow throughout the room. Richie’s eyes fell on Lyle just as he said something to another worker before walking out of the front door, presumably to take a quick break. Richie watched as he took out his phone and started typing away on it.

With a spark of courage, Richie excused himself from the table and followed him outside.

“Hey,” Richie greeted him awkwardly.

Lyle slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Hey, that was quite the scene in there.” He joked.

Richie waved his hand dismissively. “Theater kids, what can ya do about ‘em?” He said in one of his voices.

Lyle gave him a small laugh. “I feel like I know you, did we have a class together last year?” He asked him as he took a step closer to Richie.

Richie nodded his head. “Yeah yeah, we had biology together!”

“That’s right! With Miss Reynolds.” Lyle confirmed.

“She finally retired over the summer, I heard.” Richie added.

“Thank God, she was the worst teacher!” Lyle chuckled.

There was a pause in the conversation and Richie looked away awkwardly. The late autumn wind blew past them and he realized that he had left his jacket inside when he let out a shiver. “It’s starting to get colder, winter’s coming.” Richie said.

“The cold here isn’t even bad.” Lyle said. “Where my family goes for winter break, not _that_ is some cold stuff. Anyways, I should get back to work.” He gave Richie a quick wave before heading back inside.

Richie stood outside in the cool air for a moment longer. He felt his phone buzz and took it out. _New Email from bluegreen118@gmail.com_ flashed on the screen. Richie glanced inside to where Greta and Mike were still seated. He watched as Greta said something which prompted Mike to laugh, and surprisingly it looked like a genuine laugh too. He decided that he had time to read Blue’s email before going back.

 

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Subject: The Sports™_

_Jacques,_

_After handing in the mountain of assignments I had to finish, I’ve realized that next week is the big homecoming game. I don’t know how I managed to forget seeing as there are   thousands of posters advertising it around the school, countless tweets on twitter, and it’s the first thing said on the morning announcements. Maybe I’ve got selective hearing._

_While I do like playing sports, I’m not the biggest fan of watching them. It makes me kind of frustrated to see the players messing up if they’re losing. It’s really only fun to watch if     your team is winning. I do like going to our homecoming games though. I think it’s all the school spirit that hooks you in._

_The only bad thing about homecoming is that it’s getting colder which means that winter is getting closer. Which means it’s almost winter break. Which means I’m dragged away          somewhere where it is even colder than Derry. At least there’s no school though!_

_On a different note: I’ve been trying to figure out what your email address means. Oldjohnnyray? I did some googling and I found out that it’s a lyric from the song_ Come on Eileen _by Dexys Midnight Runners. I’ve always known the song but I never quite comprehended what was being said. Funny eh? Either way, it’s a pretty good song. Maybe even one of my top faves._

_You’re probably wondering what my email address means now. It’s not as exciting nor clever as yours. I couldn’t come up with anything interesting but then again I didn’t intend for it to stand out. Blue and green are my favourite colours. But not a bright blue or green, more like the pastel shades. The 118 means nothing though. Bluegreen@gmail.com was already taken. So was bluegreen 1 through 117. I guess a lot of people like those two basic colours. Who would have thought?_

_I’ll leave it there for tonight,_

_Blue._

_P.S. I’ve been thinking of coming out to my mom. I know she’ll probably freak out but I feel like I need to tell her. We’re having a proper dinner together his weekend. I think I’ll tell her then._

Richie liked reading all of Blue’s emails but this one stood out from the others. He never thought that Blue would be wondering about where he got the idea for his email address or what it could mean. He didn’t think something so little would be recognized by anyone. Thinking about it made Richie’s heart feel warm inside. Blue really did mean a lot to him. He didn’t know what he would do if things didn’t work out or he never got to know who Blue was. Richie didn’t even want to think about it. So he tried not to.

As he skimmed over the email again to reply to Blue, one particular line caught his eye. _Which means I’m dragged away somewhere where it is even colder than Derry._ Richie’s mind instantly thought to Lyle’s comment from only minutes earlier. “The cold here isn’t even bad. Where my family goes for winter break, not _that_ is some cold stuff.” Lyle had said to him. Could Lyle be blue? He was typing on his phone before Richie came outside to talk to him. And his phone received an email once Lyle had gone back inside too. The possibility of him being Blue was sounding pretty reasonable to him right now.

Blue or not, Richie headed back inside to his friends.

 

“The story about your parents,” Richie started. “I had no idea that had happened to you.” Richie was driving Mike home. They had left the Waffle House around ten pm. It was a little late for a school night but the drive was nice. Peaceful even. Richie loved driving at night. There weren’t many other cars around, just him and the road.

“I haven’t told many people.” Mike replied. “The only person that knows really is Stan.”

Richie glanced at his friend quickly before looking back at the dimly lit road. “I always wondered but I didn’t want to pry or push you.” He said to him.

“Thanks,” Mike smiled softly. “I would have told if you did ask though. We’re friends Richie.”

Richie looked at him again to see Mike looking back at him. Richie hadn’t known Mike for a long time, only since he had moved to Derry at the end of August. But for some reason he felt like he could really trust Mike, the same way he could trust someone he’s known his whole life.

Richie carefully pulled the car over to the curb and put it in park. “Can I tell you something?”

“What’s up?” Mike asked him with a concerned expression.

Richie took a deep breath as he fiddled with his hands in his lap. “So. The thing is, I’m gay.” He said without looking up. Richie had never said that out loud before. Not even to himself.

“Okay.” Mike said as if Richie didn’t just confess something super important to him. “This the first time you’ve told anyone?” He asks carefully.

Richie felt a bolt of courage and looked at Mike next to him. He nodded his head.

“Wow Richie.” Mike says sweetly. “I’m honoured.”

“Are you surprised?” Richie asked him.

“No.” He looked at him directly. His deep brown eyes shimmered, lit up only by streetlight.

“You knew?”

“No, not at all.”

“But you’re not surprised?” Richie raised an eyebrow.

“Do you want me to be surprised?” Mike questioned him nervously.

Richie sighed. “I’m not sure.” He wonders how it’s going to feel for Blue. He only briefly mentioned it at the end of his email from earlier that night but it was obviously something big. Richie knew from other emails that his mom isn’t the most comfortable with the idea of anything gay in general.

Richie feels like he sort of did this for Blue. His blue.

“Are you going to tell people?” Mike asks him, pulling him out of his own thoughts.

Richie shakes his head. “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it. I mean, eventually yeah.”

Mike nodded his head. He reached out and placed his hand over Richie’s. “Well, I love you.”

Then he poked him teasingly in the cheek and they drove home.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Re: The Sports™_

_Blue,_

_Homecoming is the most cliché high school activity other than senior prom. Which is exactly why I love it. I will be honest with you, I don’t know a thing about sports. I never have. Me playing football? Not even a plausible concept. But that doesn’t stop me from hanging out with my friends of a Friday night while watching my fellow peers throw themselves at other students for fun. I will also let myself enjoy the food trucks that show up for the event as well. And if I eat my fancy overpriced nachos while staring at sweaty buff teenage boys in tight pants, no one is even going to bat an eye because it’s homecoming, everyone is staring!_

_I’m glad you were able to crack the code that is my oh so unique email address. I was starting to wonder if you thought I was secretly an old man named John. How disastrous       would that be. But then again, what are the odds of actually finding an old man to talk to on the internet? I don’t think online predators even exist anymore. (please don’t quote me on that.)_

_I actually got the idea while listening to one of my dad’s old records. When people say that everything sounds better on vinyl, they’re not lying. It’s like a whole new experience. You could say that I’m a music junkie (although I won’t wear band shirts). I’ve got records of all kinds but my favourite tends to be the type of music that is wonderful but weirdly depressing._

_Your email isn’t as lame as you’re trying to make it seem. Blue and green are very fine colours. In fact my bedroom walls are painted a soft baby blue. My parents were cliché like that too. Also if you think about it, the fact that bluegreen1-117 were all taken just proves that you’re just like everyone else out there, you fit in. But in a good, comforting way._

_Touchdown, broo-ha-ha,_

_Jacques._

The next time Richie saw Lyle was at the homecoming game. He and Beverly had been walking around the field towards the food trucks for some game time snacks. She had just gotten back from her dinner with Stan but insisted that she needed some food for the game. It was tradition. Beverly almost screamed when she saw her favourite coffee truck had shown up.

“I’ll go grab us some, you tackle the nacho truck!” She called out before ditching him.

Nachos and coffee? The combination didn’t make sense to him, but he’d do anything for Beverly. She was his best friend. As Richie stepped into the line for nachos he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey,” he turned around to see the culprit: Lyle.

“Hey, how’s it going?” He asked him.

“It’s going good.” Lyle answered. They took a step up in the line. “I see you’re here with Beverly.”

“Yeah yeah, she’s getting us coffee right now.” Richie pointed to her. Another step forward.

Lyle stuck his hands in his pockets. “I was actually looking to talk to you.” Another step.

“What about?” Richie asked.

“Are you and Beverly together? Like a couple?” Step.

Richie shook his head. “Uh, no we’re just good friends actually.”

“Great, I mean that’s good because she is smoking hot!” Lyle said in a voice that made Richie cringe. “I’ve been thinking of asking her out but I needed to know if she was single or not.”

Richie never really liked hearing people talk about his friends like this. It had happened to him before, people asking him is Beverly was taken or not. Sometimes he would lie if they were being too creepy. But Lyle asking him felt weird.

“Actually, she’s seeing someone right now.” He lied. “Some college guy.”

“Oh,” Lyle’s smile disappeared. “That’s too bad.” There was an awkward pause. “I guess I’ll see you later then, I don’t even really like nachos.”

And just like that Lyle was gone. Turns out he was straight too.

Richie finally made it to the front of the line and got his extra large fancy nachos to share with Bev. The coffee line was much shorter apparently and she had texted him saying that she would meet him back at their seats. Richie was on his way there when Greta stopped him.

“Richie, I need to talk to you.” She insisted.

“Look, I’m not in the mood right now Greta.” He said.

“It’s about Mike, I need your advice.”

Richie sighed. “Make it quick.”

“I was thinking of asking him out and I’ve got some ideas but I want to run them by you first.” She explained eagerly.

Richie really didn’t want to be having this conversation right now. He didn’t like being talked to as if he was only a deal maker for dates with his friends. “Mike loved whatever happened at Waffle House, just do that.” He said starting to walk away.

“He liked that?” She gasped earnestly.

“Go big or go home!” He called out to her before jogging off towards the bleachers. He climbed up the stairs to his seat and plopped down next to Beverly, Stan, and Mike.

“There you are.” Beverly said happily as she took the nachos from his grasp.

On the field below, the marching band made its way out into the center of the green, stopping on both sides of the small stage that was set up. There was a microphone stand placed on top of it.

“Would you please rise for the singing of the national anthem.” A voice said over the loud speaker. Everyone on the bleachers stood up and placed their hand over their heart. A small blonde girl Richie recognised from the school choir made her way onto the field quickly and up onto the small stage. She began to sing the anthem.

About ten seconds in, Richie noticed someone running onto the field and towards the stage. Greta. She tried to pry the microphone out of the other girl’s hands. Everyone awkwardly stopped singing as Greta ripped the mic away from her.

“Hi, hello, sorry America!” She said. “Um I’ll let you guys get back to your sports but I have something important to say first.” She gripped the microphone tightly between both of her hands. “I have gotten the chance to meet the most kind, gentle, and wonderful person in the entire world. He happened to move here only a few months ago but I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of him ever since. Their presence is full of grace and strength that I can feel in full force whenever we are together.” Greta had made her way off of the stage and was walking towards Richie’s section of the bleachers, staring at Mike the entire time. “I know that this person, this amazing human being, deserves all the happiness and love that the world has to offer and I want to be the one to give it to them.” She stopped in front of the metal railing. “Mike Hanlon, will you please do me the honour of going out with me?” She finally said.

Mike stood up horrified. He carefully stepped over the rows making his way down to Greta who was waiting with a smile the size of Europe on her face. The entire football field was silent in anticipation. Richie looked around to see that some people even had their phones out, recording it all.

“Greta, what are you doing?” Mike asked her.

“I’m asking you out on a date, Mike.”

Mike looked around nervously. “I’m really sorry, Greta.” He said softly. “I, I don’t like you that way.”

Greta’s smile disappeared within a second, a troubling frown replacing it instantly. She looked like she was about to start crying.

“You’re a really great friend and I like spending time with you, but not in _that_ way.” Mike let her down gently.

Greta nodded her head without saying anything more. She dropped the microphone on the ground and turned to quickly make her way off of the field. Mike made his way back to his seat to sit down.

Soon Mr. Wilson was jogging onto the field and returning the microphone to the blonde girl who was still on the stage. “Uh, well. Let’s get back at it! Patricia, please.” He handed off to her and made his way back to his spot.

 

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Subject: out and about_

_Jacques, I did it. I told my mom. I can’t really believe I actually did it. She even took it better than I thought. She didn’t bring Jesus into it or anything. Sometimes I forget that she can be rational after everything that happened when I was younger and the fact that she always assumes the worst. But she didn’t seem like it was the end of the world. I was surprised about that._

_What surprised me even more was when she started talking about being safe. Later in the evening she started to lecture me on safe sex and all that jazz. She gave me a lecture         about it for over an hour. I think she got a little too invested. I told her I wasn’t even having sex. I guess I should be flattered that she thought I was._

_I should really thank you. Without you I would have never been able to tell her. I didn’t think that I would ever find the courage to do it. It’s incredible. You’ve given me the    strength to conquer one of my biggest fears. Thank you. I can feel my walls starting to come down and I don’t know why and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I just know you’re the reason for it. Thank you, Jacques._

_Love, Blue._

_From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Re: out and about_

_Blue,_

_Shut up! I am so freaking proud of you right now. I would hug you if I could!_

_Parents are so awkward when it comes to talking about sex. Suddenly you’re old enough to know about and your parents get way too involved. I will say, though, you shouldn’t even be thinking about sex unless it’s with someone really, really awesome._

_You inspired me. I actually had my own coming out of sorts to my friend the other night. It was a spur of the moment type thing. It was kind of awkward, kind of weird, but also       kind of nice. I feel mostly relieved and a little embarrassed, because I feel like I made it into a bigger deal than it needed to be. It’s funny, though. A part of me feels like I jumped over some kind of border, and now I’m on the other side realizing I can’t cross back. I don’t think that I want to go back though. I sort of like it over here. It’s liberating._

_I think you’re giving me too much credit here though. You’re the brave one, Blue. You started all of this with your post. We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I am so proud of you._

_Love, Jacques._

_From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: out and about_

_I don’t know what to say other than that I am extremely proud of you too. This is sort of momentous, isn’t it? It’s definitely something we’ll remember for the rest of our lives, I know that._

_I completely understand what you mean about the barrier thing. It feels sort of free on this side. Like the grass is actually greener. Although once you come out you can’t really            go back in. Which is sort of terrifying. I’ll just say that we’re lucky coming out now rather than twenty years ago._

_Don’t worry, Jacques. I only ever think about sex with people who hide from their eighth- grade girlfriends in bathrooms, and eat tons of orange Oreos, and listen to weirdly    depressing and wonderful music, but never wear band T-shirts._

_I guess I have a very specific type._

_(I’m not kidding.)_

_Love, Blue._

It was finally Christmas break and Richie could not be happier. School had ended five days ago and he had taken advantage of that by sleeping in until noon each day. As he trudged into the kitchen around 2 pm for “breakfast” Maggie loved to tell him how important a proper sleeping schedule is and that it’s even more important to stick to it. Richie rolled his eyes every time.

He was on vacation. He could do whatever he wanted. That included making the ultimate Christmas road trip playlist for Blue as he headed to the middle of nowhere for the holidays.

In his last email, Blue had told him that he was going to a cabin up north with his family until boxing day. It was a family Christmas tradition that had started before he was even born which meant that there was no way out of it. Blue described the cabin as a nice winter lodge straight out of a holiday movie. It sounded lovely to Richie, stone fireplaces and all. Except for the fact that there was no cell service or wifi of any sort, leaving them communication less for about a week.

Richie thought he might perish without the contact. Richie still sent him some emails keeping him up to date on the school drama. The Greta homecoming fiasco was still at the top of the charts for student gossip. People were even making memes of it. If Greta wasn’t blackmailing him, Richie would feel sorry for her.

Blue’s description of his holiday traced him back to the conversation he had with the other students at rehearsal. Richie could recall Cal saying how his family went up north where there was no service to be found. The connection all too easily made Richie picture Cal as Blue. Which then lead to him thinking about kissing Cal under the mistletoe his mother had hung up in the archway between the dining and living rooms. So Richie had a crush. Sue him.

           

It was Christmas Eve when it happened. Richie had been lounging on the sofa watching _Love Actually_ with his parents when his phone started to ring. He picked it up to see Beverly trying to facetime him. He clicked the green button and he face appeared on the screen.

“Happy Christmas Eve!” He said to her with a smile.

“Richie,” she said cautiously. “Have you seen the Derry Secrets blog recently?” She asked him. He shook his head. “I think you should take a look.”

Richie excused himself from the movie and made his way upstairs to his bedroom. He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop, quickly typing in the blogs URL. At the top of the page was a post that was very much directed at him.

“Bev, I’ll call you back.” He said just before hanging up. He threw his head into his hands.

 

            December 24, 10:15 A.M.

            RICHIE TOZIER’S OPEN INVITATION TO ALL DUDES

            Dear all dudes of Derry High,

            With this missive, I hereby declare that I am supremely gay and open for business. Interested parties may contact me directly to discuss arrangements for anal buttsex. Or blue-jobs. But don’t give me blue balls. Ladies need not apply. That is all.

            P.S. Here are my emails to another gay student to prove that I am in fact _gay_.

 

Richie slammed his laptop shut. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. Then he reopened it and clicked on the comments before realizing that he shouldn’t read them. He got up from his desk angrily. He felt like he could punch something. Like he could just punch a hole right through his bedroom wall.

“Oh my fucking god.” He said a little too loudly.

There was a soft knock at his door as Sarah peered around it, stepping into his room.

“I saw the blog.” She said. Of course she saw it, Richie thought, she goes to Derry High. “I reported the post and they’ll take it down soon.”

“People have already seen it though.” Richie said. He could feel tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

“Who would post something like that?” She said.

Richie sighed. “Someone who doesn’t know that’ anal-buttsex’ is redundant.” He stated.

“That’s effed up.” She said. Sarah was so grown up. She was only a freshman but Richie had seen her mature before his own eyes. Richie swore pretty often, he couldn’t help it. He saw a lot of himself in his sister but surprisingly his foul mouth never rubbed off on her. “You could deny it.”

“Why would I do that? I mean it’s true.” Richie stated. “I’m gay.” That was the second time he had said it out loud. “I’m not ashamed of it.” He said a little too harshly.

“Oh, alright, well I didn’t know. You haven’t said anything until now.” Sarah claimed.

Richie sat back down in his chair. “Yeah, you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.”

“I’m sorry! Geez, Richie. I’m just trying to . . .” She looked at her brother. Sarah watched as a tear rolled down his cheek. “I’ll leave you alone.” She turned around and slid through the door.

Richie’s phone started to buzz on his desk. He had five texts from Mike. Three from Beverly. Two from Stan. He shut his phone off and threw it away. Richie opened his email and quickly wrote to Blue.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: promise me_

_Blue,_

_I know that you’re still in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and that you won’t even open this email for another few days but I need you to promise me something. Before you go           online to the stupid school blog please promise me that you’re not going to stop talking to me. I need you Blue. You’re the only thing that’s giving me hope right now and I don’t know what I would do if you left. Please please please stay._

_Promise me._

_Love, Jacques._

 

 Richie got up from his desk and flopped down on his bed. He grabbed one of his pillows, throwing it across the room. He was crying in full force now, tears spilling over his hot cheeks. He thrashed around on his bed out of anger until he had tired himself out. He cried himself to sleep.

 

On the outside Christmas morning at the Tozier household looked normal. Richie and his family were sat in the living room circled around the tree. But on the inside there was a cold tension floating over the room.

Richie felt bad for lashing out at Sarah the night before. She was only trying to help and she didn’t deserve it but Richie couldn’t stop himself. He was acting out of anger.

A tall bag sat in front of Richie, a gift for him from his parents, and he reached in and pulled something out. He tore away the white tissue paper to reveal some sort of empty case.

“What’s this for?” He asked his dad.

“No, wait open this one bud.” Wentworth guided him. He handed him a medium sized box.

Richie pulled back the neat green wrapping paper to find a picture of Beats headphones. “Wow, thank you guys.” He said sincerely.

“Do you like the colour?” His mom asked him. “Because I thought you would like the black, do you like the black?”

“Yes, I love it.” He told them with a smile.

“I have the receipt if you don’t.” Maggie added.

“He likes them, honey.” Wentworth shushed her.

“They’re perfect, thank you, again.” Richie said. He paused, taking a breath. “Actually, uh, I wanted to talk to you guys about something.”

His mom leaned forward. “What is it?” She asked.

Richie bit his lip. “Uh well,”

“Let me guess,” his dad cut him off. “You got somebody pregnant.” He said with a laugh. “No wait, you’re pregnant!” He chuckled. “I knew it.”

Richie tried to smile. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.” He shook his head. “No. Uh,” Richie looked down at his hands. He fiddled with them the same way he did when he came out to Mike. He struggled to find the words to say. “I’m gay.”

“Honey,” Maggie said softly.

“And I don’t want you guys to think anything different.” Richie stated. “I’m still me.”

“Of course you are.” Maggie agreed.

“So you’re gay?” Wentworth said looking at him. “Which one of your girlfriends was it that turned you?” He asked. “Was it the one with the uh big eyebrow?” He gestured.

“Went,” Maggie tried to shush him.

“Dad, do you ever shut the hell up?” Sarah said, frustrated with her father’s bad timing.

“I’m kidding.” Wentworth said with force.

“It’s not funny.” She told him.

“I’m kidding, Sarah.” He repeated. “Just open up your gift.” With that Wentworth had stood up and walked out of the room.

Richie sighed and handed Sarah the gift he got her. “Here Sarah this is for you.” He said.

“Richie,” She protested softly.

“Just open it, it’s from me.” He said, pushing the gift towards her. She opened the lid and took out a box that displayed a new hand mixer. “It’s a Cuisinart.” He told her.

“Thank you, Richie. I love it.” She offered with a smile.

 

            _From: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_To: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_Re: promise me_

_I’m sorry. This is suddenly too much for me. I can’t do this anymore._

_Goodbye._

_From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Re: promise me_

_What does that even mean? Please keep talking to me._

_Jacques. (I guess there’s really no point in the alias anymore.)_

Richie hid in his house for the remainder of Christmas break. He avoided all of his friends. Even avoided his family as much as he could while living under the same roof as them. It wasn’t too hard with his mom going to work and his dad avoiding him while pretending that everything was normal.

School was starting again and Blue hadn’t replied to any of the multiple emails Richie had sent him. Richie woke up like every other school morning and drove to Beverly’s house to pick her up. As he approached the driveway, Beverly, Stan and Mike were all standing on the street corner waiting for him. Richie parked the car and got out.

“I want to say that I’m sorry for ignoring you all this week.” Richie started. “And that I was going to tell you all that I’m gay but this was not how I wanted to do it.”

“None of us are mad that you didn’t come out to us, Richie.” Beverly said. “We are upset that’s you’ve been messing around with us.”

“That whole show with Greta?” Mike began. “What the hell was that? Did you tell her that I liked her or something?”

“Mike I-”

“Is that why you had her spending so much time with us like that party and the Waffle House night?” Mike continued with a sharp tone.

“I had to do it.” Richie said, his voice betraying him and starting to crack. “Greta had those emails and if I didn’t do what she said then she was going to expose them but I guess it doesn’t even matter because she posted them anyways.” He tried to explain. He reached his hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

“So is that why you set up Stan and I too?” Beverly challenged him. “We don’t even like each other that way, Richie.”

“I needed Stan to stop spending so much time with Mike so Greta could hang out with him.” He mumbled.

“That’s messed up Richie.” Stan confirmed. Richie couldn’t meet his eyes. “Come on guys, I’ll drive you to school.” Stan and Mike turned away to cross the street where Stan’s car was parked.

Richie stopped Beverly before she could follow the other two boys. “Bev, I’m sorry. I really am.” He pleaded desperately. He couldn’t handle having his best friend mad at him.

“That night when I said that I was destined to love one person, Richie, I wasn’t talking about Stan.” She clarified with a biting tone. “I was talking about you. I was in love with you, Richie.” Before Richie could respond she was jogging across the street and slipping into Stan’s car.

Richie stood on the street corner and watched as his friends drove away without him before getting back into his own truck. He sat there for a moment. Richie felt like he could cry. _Fuck Greta_ he thought. _Fuck her and her manipulative ways_. Richie glanced at the truck’s clock and saw that he was already cutting it close to get to school. He started the engine and put on some music, some weirdly depressing wonderful playlist he had made, and pulled away from the curb.

Richie knew that he wouldn’t be able to get to school on time for homeroom, so he figured he might as well just skip the period. He drove around town with no specific destination other than the coffee shop drive thru. He went out to the country roads where he could play his music deafeningly loud and eventually turned around back towards school.

Richie walked into the school just as the periods were changing, the three short minutes in between classes where every student was idly walking through the halls. He could feel the eyes watching him as he passed then by. He wasn’t sure what he expected to happen when he arrived on the first day back but he was hoping that it wouldn’t be this. Richie felt like the main character of a really bad movie, all eyes on him, judging him.

He was making his way towards his classroom when Richie spotted Cal standing by the theater doors talking to some girl he didn’t recognize. Richie walked up to him just as the girl was leaving.

“Is it you?” Richie asked him. “Are you Blue?”

Cal gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Richie. It’s not me.” Richie sighed. “I know you’ve had a rough few days, do you want to talk about it?” Cal asked him gently.

Richie shook his head. “No it’s okay.” He uttered under his breath before walking away down the hall.

 

            _From: oldjohnnyray@gmail.com_

_To: bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: sixth sense_

_Blue,_

_Have you ever been paranoid enough that you think everyone is watching you but really no one actually gives a fuck? I wish that was happening to me right now. I can feel            everyone watching me because that’s actually what is happening. I maybe have to wear thick ass glasses but I’m not blind enough to miss the staring eyes as I walk through the halls._

_What’s worse is that my best friends aren’t talking to me. I got caught up in a mess of lies and dragged them into it too. They didn’t deserve that. I guess it’s my own fault that I’m going to have to sit alone at lunch._

_Please Blue, I don’t want to lose you to the web of lies too._

_Love, Jacques._

Richie scrolled through his phone while he ate his lunch, a sad salad that he would otherwise never eat but it was the last option left in the school’s cafeteria. Luckily for him he had half of a box of Oreos stashed in his bag, although he wasn’t exactly in the mood for them. It was just nice to know they were there. Richie had refreshed his Instagram feed for probably the sixth time when he noticed someone sit down across from him. Eddie.

“Hey,” the feather haired boy offered him. “How are you?”

“To be honest, I’d say I’m pretty shit right now, Eds.” Richie stated.

Eddie glanced at the meal Richie was picking at with a plastic fork. “That salad probably isn’t helping.” He teased. Eddie reached into his bag and pulled out a brown paper bag that Richie assumed held his lunch. Eddie opened it and pulled out a sandwich and a container of strawberries. “Here.” He said, ripping the sandwich in half. “Turkey sandwich, my mom made it.” Richie accepted his offer with thanks. Eddie took a bite of his half. “Any idea where our friends are?” He asked.

“Avoiding me,” Richie said nonchalantly. “Well, at least Beverly, Stan, and Mike are. I don’t know about the other two.”

Eddie nodded his head. “Well they don’t know what they’re missing.” Eddie said trying to cheer him up.

Richie smiled at the gesture just as two boys from their grade ran into the cafeteria. They climbed on top of one of the tables where Richie could get a good look of who they were. Henry Bowers and Patrick Hockstetter. One of them was dressed up as Richie, the other dressed up as the only other openly gay kid in the school. They had a speaker that was playing _It’s Raining Men_ as they cried out obscenities at each other while pretending to fuck each other.

“Oh Richie,” Bowers cried out. “Don’t stop fucking me in the ass.”

Richie felt his blood boil inside of him. Today was not his day. He got up from his chair, storming over to the two. “Do you have something to say to me?” He called up to them. “If you do then just say it to my fucking face instead of pulling this lame shit.” He yelled. “Come on, say it!”

Scared of what might happen, Eddie got up from the table and was standing beside Richie, tugging on his wrist to step away. “Richie, calm down.”

“No,” he said jerking his arm away. “If these homophobic assholes have a problem with me then they can say it to my face.”

Before the scene could escalate further, Ms. Albright was stomping into the cafeteria and shutting it all down. “You two,” she said as she pointed to Henry and Patrick. “No one gives a crap what either of you two think. You guys are bullies and assholes and no one in this room feels sorry for you. So cut this bullshit and get your butts down to the principal’s office.” She called out to them, putting them in their place.

“You can’t talk to us like that!” Henry said, questioning her authority.

“I can and I just did.” She picked up their speaker as they got down from the table. She shut it off. “And this is mine now too.”

Richie watched as Ms. Albright walked Henry and Patrick down the hall towards the main office. It wasn’t long until he was being called down too. Richie had to spend the rest of his afternoon waiting around in the office to give more details of what had happened in the cafeteria and then wait around even more for Henry and Patrick to give him a forced apology. The only part Richie enjoyed was hearing that they were both suspended for three days.

There were only two weeks left until the opening night of _Footloose_ which meant that Richie had after school rehearsals every day now. Mike ignored him there too. As they walked through each scene, Richie could feel Greta staring at him but each time he looked over she glanced away quickly. The second practice was over, Richie gathered up his things so he could go home and as far away from the school as possible.

“Richie!” Greta called out to him. He was only five feet away from his truck. He could just get in and drive away without talking to her at all. Richie liked the idea of that. “Can we talk for a second?”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Richie spat. It was a lie though, he had a lot of things to say to Greta, most of them swear words and yelling.

“I owe you an apology, Richie.” She said moving closer to him. Richie crossed his arms. “I’m so sorry. What happened at lunch, I didn’t think anyone would ever do that. I mean I didn’t think anyone still did shit like that.”

“Right because Derry is such a progressive town, Greta.”

Greta shook her head. “Seriously, I just didn’t think it would be such a big thing.” Except it was the biggest thing. “I was still mad about the Mike thing and it had been like two weeks and everyone was still talking about the homecoming thing. I wanted them to focus on someone else for a little bit. I feel like shit.”

“Yeah well you should.” Richie seethed through his teeth. “I think you’re an asshole. A huge fucking asshole. I mean, don’t even fucking pretend you didn’t know this would happen. You blackmailed me!” He took a step closer to her. “And you know what? You don’t get to say that it’s not a big thing because it was. This is a big fucking thing. Coming out was supposed to be my thing. I’m supposed to get to decide when and where and who knows and how I want to say it, _not you_.” Richie could feel his throat getting tighter with each word. “You took that away from me and you even brought Blue into it.” Richie was turning away and unlocking his truck now. “So can you just step away from my car and leave me the fuck alone?”

Greta doesn’t move from her spot as Richie climbs into his truck. The second he closed the door he started to sob.

About an hour later, Richie returned home, pulling his truck into the driveway and cutting off the engine. He sighed before getting out. He could see his dad fumbling around with a tumbleweed of Christmas lights. Richie stepped out of the truck and his dad called to him the second the door closed.

“Hey Richie!” He called out. Richie made his way over to his dad stopping a few feet away from him. Ever since he had come out on Christmas morning there had been some sort of barrier put up between them. Things weren’t bad but they weren’t good either. Richie stood silent waiting for him to talk. “How long have you known?” Wentworth asked him softly.

Richie bit his lip. “Since I was around thirteen.” He confessed.

Richie watched as his dad ran a hand over his face. “Four years, gosh four years.” He took a step back. “We’ve been eating dinners for four years and watching movies together, God, I should have known Richie.”

“No, hey, Dad-” He tried to calm him down.

“And those stupid jokes too.”

“I know that you didn’t mean them.” Richie explained for himself. His dad was already beating himself up, he didn’t want to make it harder on him.

“I just want you to know that I love you,” Wentworth said to him. “And that I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.” His dad was crying now.

“Dad, stop crying.” Richie said.

“I’m trying, come here.” He pulled his son into a tight hug, holding him there for a few long seconds. “I was thinking that we could sign up for Grindr together.” He said still holding Richie tight.

Richie pulled away. “You don’t know what Grindr is, do you?”

“Yah, it’s facebook for gay people.” His dad said.

Richie let out a laugh. “That is not what it is, pops.” Richie turned away from his dad, letting him know that he was going inside so he could leave him to work on the festive tumbleweeds before stepping inside.

Richie walked into the kitchen and placed his keys on the counter and his backpack on the floor. He could see his mom sitting on the living room couch as if she was waiting for him to come home. He walked into the room and sat down on the chair across from her. After the conversation with his dad, Richie felt like he should tackle the barrier that was built up between him and his mom too.

“Did you know?” He asked her.

She was writing on a pad of paper, probably something about work, but stopped to look at her son. “I knew you had a secret. But when you were little you were so carefree. But these last few years more and more it’s almost like I can feel you holding your breath. I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn’t want to pry. Maybe I made a mistake.”

Richie looked at her with a frown. “No, mom, you didn’t make a mistake.” He assured her.

“Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out you said, _Mom, I’m still me_.” She put the notepad down and rested her elbows on her knees leaning closer towards her son. “I need you to hear this: You are still you, Richie. You are still the same son who I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you’re the same brother who always compliments his sister on her food, even when it sucks. You get to exhale now, Richie. You get to be more you than you have been in, in a very long time. You deserve everything you want.”

Richie could see the tears pooling in her eyes and he could feel tears running down his cheeks too. He nodded at her in understanding. Maggie stood up from her spot on the couch and walked over to Richie. She placed a kiss in his hair before hugging him and walking away. Richie knocked his glasses out of the way to wipe away his stray tears.

 

Eddie sat at his bedroom desk. He had his computer open in front of him. He had typed his email and password to his account as Blue but he couldn’t get himself to login. He knew that Richie had sent him numerous emails, he got a notification on his phone with each one but he hadn’t brought himself to open a single one. At first he had blamed it on shock. He had a few idea that it could have been Richie, he was never too careful in his emails and he gave away a few too many clues as to who he was. After a few days when Eddie still hadn’t worked up the courage to respond, he realized that it was out of fear.

When Eddie had made the first post on Derry Secrets, he had done it mostly so he could come to terms with himself. He had used it as a way to start the conversation in his head, the one he had been battling himself on for years. He never thought that someone, let alone someone he was actually friends with, would respond to the post and continue to talk to him for months.

Eddie was scared. Once he saw the post on Derry Secrets exposing Richie for being Jacques, he freaked out. Richie was his friend. The same friend that he found himself staring at in class and getting a little to close with during lunch. The same friend he had been crushing on for the longest time. Eddie wasn’t sure if it was his unruly black curls or the dumb smile that followed his even dumber jokes, but there was something about him that he couldn’t shake.

But now that he had Richie at his fingertips, Eddie didn’t know what to do. He was worried that Richie would be disappointed that it was him, that he was picturing someone much more exciting and more attractive. Eddie was small and boring. He was convinced that he didn’t have much going for him.

With not much more to lose, Eddie clicked on the login button. He started with the oldest unopened email Richie had sent him and started there, reading each one until he was caught up.

 

It was the end of the first week back after the break and Richie was sitting on the front of his truck. After his friends still not talking to him or sitting with him at lunch, he had taken to saving himself from the humiliation by eating his lunch in his car. If he was going to be alone he might as well do it by choice.

As he munched on the packed lunch Sarah had made for him that morning, Richie looked out over the hill. He could see the football field down below where the school had been setting up for the annual winter carnival. Every year, the school held a full fair complete with proper rides and everything. As Richie watched the Ferris Wheel rotating for inspection he was stuck with an idea. An idea that was either going to ruin everything or fix it all.

 

            JANUARY 12, 6:47PM

            Posted by: Richie Tozier

            _Someone once told me that they felt like they were stuck on a Ferris Wheel. One minute they’re on the top of the world, the next they’re at rock bottom. After hearing that, I realized that I felt the same way but didn’t know how to put it into words._

_I was able to talk to that person and to really get to know them. With each email and every word, I found myself falling in love with them. I felt like I was on top of the world._

_And then I wasn’t. I was faced with a situation where I could either protect myself or protect my friends and I chose myself. I turned my friends against each other and manipulated them to keep myself safe but that was the wrong choice. I should have never done that to them. They were always great friends who were always there for me and I blew it. I can only hope that they’re reading this right now and can understand how truly sorry I am. For everything._

_As most of you reading may know, I am in the play that is happening at our school this weekend. As you may also know, the annual Derry High carnival is happening this             weekend, coincidentally after the play. Which leads me to my invitation._

_Dear Blue, I may not know your name or what you look like, but I’ll find you. I’m done living in a world where I don’t get to be who I am. I deserve a good love story. If you are willing to give me a chance, to give us a proper chance, I will be at the carnival this Saturday night after the play is finished. The carnival is open until nine. For what it’s worth, I hope to see you there. You’ll know where I’ll be._

_-Jacques._

At the bottom, Richie had inserted the same Ferris Wheel picture from Blue’s original post.

           

“Mike!” Beverly called out to her friend. He was sitting in front of his dressing room mirror as he removed his makeup from the show. Richie was sitting a few seats down from him as he did the same thing. Richie turned his head to watch as Beverly and Stan rand up to Mike to congratulate him and embrace him with a big hug. Richie sighed before turned back to his task.

Richie could hear them speaking quietly to each other. Out of the corner of his eye he saw them stand up and Richie thought they were going to walk away but they moved towards him, stopping behind him. He watched them in the mirror.

“You were so good out there!” Beverly told him as she wrapped her arms over his shoulders from behind. She gave him a squeeze before standing back up. “We were going to go to the carnival now.” She said. “Did you want to come with us?”

A smile spread across Richie’s face. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

Richie handed the man inside the booth roughly seventy dollars in exchange for a large amount of tickets. His plan was to get on the Ferris Wheel and ride it either until the carnival was closing or until Blue showed up if he even decides to come at all. Richie marched his way over to the girl who was operating the ride and handed her all of his tickets.

“This should last a while.” He said with a grin while she gave him an odd look. He turned around to sit down in the small bucket and the worker closed the bar down on him securing him tightly.

Richie could see his friends standing a short distance away watching him. They had all read his post on Derry Secrets and knew what his plan was. On their walk from the theater to the carnival they had all apologized to one another and made up. Everything was good. As the Ferris Wheel started to move, Beverly gave out a cheer and Stan waved to Richie as he moved up to the top of the world. With each rotation, they gave him a cheer and applause, encouraging and supporting his crazy idea.

Richie sat on the ride as it went round and round. It was just him and his thoughts. With each rotation he waved to his friends and gave them a smile but he couldn’t help but feel scared. The dreamer in him believed that Blue was going to show up after a few spins and they would live happily ever after. But the realist in him knew that Blue may not ever show up and Richie would be left on the ride alone. After a while a crowd started to build on the ground below and Richie felt this same way he did the first day back at school. Except this time he had done it to himself. Richie figured that he had been on the ride for at least an hour when he was stopped at the bottom, the worker telling him that he only had two more rides left. Richie nodded and the ride was about to start up again when someone ran towards them.

“Stop, stop, stop!” It was Greta. She pushed through the crowd and was now standing in front of Richie. “It’s me, I’m Blue.” She said, slightly out of breath.

Richie looked at her. “No you’re not.” He said. Blue could be anyone but he knew that it definitely was not her.

“You’re right.” She agreed. “It’s not me. But I can’t watch this any longer, Richie. It’s kind of sad. And I’m still very sorry about everything.”

Richie rolled his eyes. “It’s fine, Greta. Just go okay?”

She nodded her head as she reached into her pocket to pull out a few dollar bills. She handed them to the worker. “This next ride is on me!” She said with a friendly grin before turning to disappear back into the crowd of people.

Richie looked at the worker and gave her the single to start up the ride again. Richie sighed and smiled at his friends as the lady started to push some buttons to get it going.

“Hold on,” a familiar voice said. Richie looked to the person who was now walking towards him. It was Eddie. Eddie with the soft brown hair and eyes that match. Eddie with the warm tanned skin and small but strong body. He stepped up onto the platform. “Is that seat taken?” He asked awkwardly.

“Uh, I’m sort of waiting for someone.” Richie answered.

“I know.” Eddie said with a smile. He moved forward to sit down next to Richie. The lady started the ride.

“Eds, are you…” Richie trailed off.

Eddie nodded his head. “Yeah. It’s me. I like your shirt.” He says with a smile. Richie looks down at his torso to see his _The Cure_ band shirt. “I thought you didn’t wear shirts with bands on them?” Eddie says with a cheeky grin.

“I usually don’t.” Richie smiles back. “It’s you.”

“I’m sorry I’m late.” Eddie apologized. “I’ve been standing down there for at least forty five minutes just working up the courage.” He sighs. “You’re not disappointed that it’s me, are you?” He asks Richie softly.

Richie shakes his head. “God no. Of course not. Did you know it was me?” He asks back.

Eddie nodded. “You sort of write the way you talk, except it’s a bit more put together.” He teased. Richie laughs at that and suddenly they’re both looking into each other’s eyes, not saying anything anymore.

The Ferris Wheel starts it’s next rotation and as Richie feels it reaching the top he leans in and kisses Eddie. It’s quick but soft, as if asking for permission. Richie pulls away to look at Eddie and he’s smiling and reaching his had up to pull him back in. Down on the ground, Richie can hear his friends cheering for him, Beverly is practically screaming. They kiss each other gently but still with a passion behind it. They don’t pull apart until they reach the bottom.

 

“Good morning, Miss Marsh.” Richie says as Beverly climbs into the front seat of his truck.

“Good morning, Mr. Tozier.” She greets back.

Richie turns around to watch as he reverses into Stan’s driveway. “Please, Mr. Tozier is my father. Call me Richie.” He says in a posh sounding voice.

Stan opens the back door and slips inside. They all chat and sing along to the radio as they drive to Mike’s house to pick him up. Their next stop is the coffee shop drive thru. Richie pulls up to the window.

“Five iced coffees,” he orders, “one with milk please.” He passes her the change as she hands over the tray. They drive for another few minutes before pulling into a familiar driveway. Beverly gives him a knowing smile and she unbuckles her seatbelt and steps out of the truck and into the back seat, squeezing Stan to the middle. The passenger side door opens again and Eddie is lowering himself onto the seat. “Good morning, my Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie says as he leans forwards to give his boyfriend a quick kiss.

“That’s not my name, Rich.” Eddie says with a smile (he secretly likes Richie’s nicknames) as he accepts the iced coffee Richie is handing him. Richie pulls out of the driveway and onto the road.  
            “It’s so nice outside today,” Mike sighs from the back seat. “Too bad we have to stay stuck inside all day.”

Richie grins from behind the wheel. “Actually, I was thinking of taking a little detour today. Somewhere far away from Derry High?” His friends all agree excitedly at the idea of playing hooky. Eddie turns up the radio and places his hand on Richie’s where it rests on the middle console. Richie glances at Eddie as he laces their fingers together, lifting them up to give Eddie’s knuckles a quick kiss.

Richie had his friends singing in the back seat and his boyfriend sitting next to him. All was well.


	2. Quick and Cheeky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this because I watched Love, Simon again and I wanted to write SOMETHING. it's literally 350 words though so don't get too excited.

_From: dicklover6969@gmail.com_

_To:_ _bluegreen118@gmail.com_

_Subject: your mom’s vagina_

_What light through yonder window breaks, it is the east and your ass is the sun ;)_

_The love of your life, Richie._

“Richie, I swear to god.” Eddie sighed as he tossed his phone across Richie’s bed from where he was currently laying down on his stomach. The two of them were supposed to be reviewing Romeo and Juliet for their English test that was on the following weekend, but Richie had done more fooling around than serious work. Nothing that Eddie didn’t predict already though.

Richie spun his desk chair around to look at his boyfriend. “What’s up?” He asked knowingly.

“Why are you emailing me when I am sitting right here next to you?” Eddie asked him. “And what the hell is  _dicklover6969@gmail.com_?” He referenced with a frown.

Richie smiled cheekily. “I just figured since we are very much aware of who each other is that we could use our personal emails is all, Eds.”

“So you’re saying that your personal email is dicklver6969?” Richie nodded proudly. Eddie pushed up from his laying down position to sit on his knees. “So when your mother asked you to email her a photo you took of her on vacation, you send it to her from dicklover6969?” Eddie challenged.

Richie nodded again.

“You only told her that you were gay like a month ago, dipshit.” Eddie proclaimed, dumbfounded by Richie’s idiocy.

“Okay fine!” Richie surrendered with his hands in the air. “I made the email last year to mess around with Stan but I haven’t used it since. I thought you would get a kick out of it.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Very funny, Tozier.”

“I sure thought so.” Richie agreed.

“Now, can we get back to memorizing the themes of act two please?” Eddie pleaded.

Richie shrugged as he stood up. “Sure, but I’m going to go grab a box of Oreos from the kitchen.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you think!!!!!!!! visit me @totaltozier on tumblr!


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